Chargers’ sparks flew

SAN DIEGO – Leave it to the San Diego Chargers to stretch the limits of incredulity again.

This time the firing of coach Marty Schottenheimer after an NFL-best 14-2 season is so mind-boggling that the team president himself called the relationship between Schottenheimer and general manager A.J. Smith a “dysfunctional situation.”

That’s a good one, Dean Spanos. Much more colorful than “team turmoil.”

This time of year, even hardheaded football men are looking for Valentines.

Team Dysfunction, meanwhile, is looking for a new head coach to take over an extremely talented squad that tripped and fell on its facemask well short of the Super Bowl. So much for having that parade route all mapped out.

It’s a plum job, for sure. The new guy might even want to buy Schottenheimer’s house in tony La Jolla. Unless, of course, he gets lowballed by the Spanos family and has to live inland.

Regardless, whoever inherits Marty’s whistle better not want too much control.

Team D. – whose star is the MVP, L.T. – moves on without having fully explained why Schottenheimer was blown out a month after Spanos said the coach would be back next season to finish out his contract.

It was well-known that Schottenheimer, the winningest coach never to reach a Super Bowl, and Smith, a fantastic talent evaluator, had a relationship that on its best day was frigid.

Or as the coach put it after his dismissal Monday night: “There is and has been no relationship.”

Schottenheimer and Smith have tremendous egos. Eventually, something had to snap.

What triggered this nasty breakup was an exodus from Schottenheimer’s staff. Both coordinators were hired as NFL head coaches, and two assistants got coordinator jobs.

Schottenheimer, 63, probably should have received a pat on the back for putting together such a remarkable staff, then a suggestion to try to do it again – even if just for one season.

But that was the problem.

If the Chargers were an undisciplined mess in a shocking 24-21 loss to New England on Jan. 14, then the front office added to the meltdown by letting Schottenheimer become a lame duck.

Three days after the loss, Spanos offered the coach a $4.5 million extension for 2008, which came with the tripwire of a $1 million buyout. In other words, the $1 million would have been a nice parting gift had Schottenheimer not coached the Bolts to a win in next season’s Super Bowl. Schottenheimer politely declined the extension.

Spanos was miffed. Maybe he and Smith figured Schottenheimer would have just quit. Guess they underestimated the coach, who can be as stubborn as a mule.

A month ago would have been the time to say adios to Marty.

In the following weeks, offensive coordinator Cam Cameron was hired as Miami’s head coach and Wade Phillips, the architect of San Diego’s aggressive 3-4 defense, was hired by the Dallas Cowboys. Either man would have been an ideal successor to Schottenheimer.

Spanos would say only that the breaking point was the “process” the Chargers were going through in filling the void.

In trying to explain this one, Spanos and Smith were as evasive as LaDainian Tomlinson in the open field. Spanos’s father, Alex, who owns the team, once did song-and-dance routines with his buddy Bob Hope. It turns out that Dean Spanos is a pretty good tap-dancer, too.

Spanos refused to offer specifics. Instead, he kept saying the relationship between the coach and GM was “untenable” and “dysfunctional.”

What, did Schottenheimer grab the last fish taco at a staff party? Did Marty and A.J. have a shouting match over one of Schottenheimer’s choices to fill the gaping voids in his staff? Did Smith’s chest tighten at the thought of having to deal with two Schottenheimers, had Marty hired younger brother Kurt, as defensive coordinator?

“It’s sort of a negative work in progress and it’s been a very difficult situation,” Spanos said.

OK, that clears it all up.

And to think Smith has said all along that it was Schottenheimer’s job to hire and fire his assistants.

Take away just one of those screwball plays from the loss to the Patriots and San Diego might still be in the midst of a Super Bowl hangover.

Not this franchise, though. At least not yet.

The Chargers need a head coach and a defensive coordinator. Clarence Shelmon, recently promoted to offensive coordinator, has to be wondering if he’s going to have a job when the new boss takes the helm of the Good Ship Dysfunction.

The list of possible candidates starts with Pete Carroll and runs all the way through Steve Mariucci, Norv Turner, Ted Cottrell, Ron Rivera, Jim Caldwell, Mike Singletary and Dennis Green. Any retreads and anybody who interviewed for a head coaching job in the last few years and didn’t get it could be on Smith’s list. Compliance with the GM will be a must.

The Chargers have already boggled everyone’s mind, so go ahead and throw in Marv Levy, Rick Neuheisel, Bill Callahan and Jimmy Johnson, even if the former Dallas Cowboys coach – and Spanos family friend – has said he doesn’t want to leave the Florida Keys. Hey, Jimmy, San Diego’s on the water, too.

Bobby Ross, the only coach to get the Chargers to the Super Bowl, probably is out, though. Not only did the 70-year-old Ross retire from Army, but he knows what it’s like to have Spanos back the other guy in a power struggle.

Spanos is going to have to eat Schottenheimer’s $3 million-plus salary for 2007. And with the team still desperate to get a new stadium, it likely needs to go with a big-time investment in a head coach rather than an up-and-comer.

Carroll interviewed for the Miami Dolphins’ job last month. The appeal, of course, was having control.

He didn’t get the job, and said he’s committed to Southern California.

“I’ve got nothing for you. I’m not talking about it,” Carroll said through a spokesman Tuesday.

Later, as he left to play in a basketball game, he declined to answer when asked if he’d been in contact with the Chargers.

He could have said, “No.”