What this analyst don’t know about poker has no limits
Well, I learned one thing over the weekend.
I won’t be quitting my day job to pursue a career as a TV poker analyst.
But I did have big fun stepping into that role on Saturday and Sunday. I was the on-camera reporter/commentator for The Best of the West Poker Challenge, a $130,000 no-limit Texas hold ‘em tournament at Northern Quest Casino in Airway Heights.
This was billed as the largest added-money poker competition ever held in the Northwest, with 200 players vying for a $40,000 first prize.
Fresh Roast TV, an independent company out of North Carolina, hired me to perform the aforementioned duties.
The footage shot will become five one-hour shows.
They will air on consecutive Sundays beginning April 8.
You can watch the program here in SpoVegas at 4 p.m. on KHQ.
Stations in Yakima and the Tri-Cities will also broadcast the show, which will pretty much give the entire region a chance to gawk at me.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking:
What does a busted flush like Clark know about poker, let alone TV reportage?
And the quick answer is …
Much less than you’d even think.
But though I commit journalism with a keyboard, my TV resumé is extensive.
Since the 1950s, in fact, I have spent 73.4 percent of my life glued in front of a boob tube.
As for poker, faithful readers will recall that I entered a 1998 Texas hold ‘em tournament for a story and wound up lucking into a $75 third-place finish.
That was the same year as “Rounders,” the Matt Damon movie that helped spark today’s poker boom. Much of the poker craze can also be attributed to cable TV, where on practically any given day you can watch World Poker Tour pros like Phil Hellmuth Jr. going “all in.”
Why shouldn’t Spokane grab a piece of the action?
The Fresh Roast people are real pros. Through the magic of editing, my more gibbering-idiot moments will hopefully be cut out and not saved for blackmail purposes.
I was a little put off that nobody offered me makeup. It’s not that I’m vain. It’s that my complexion is paler than the underbelly of a carp.
Be warned: The glare radiating off my forehead may damage viewer retinas.
In spite of me, this was an impressive production.
The casino’s poker experts ran the tournament flawlessly.
The TV coverage, with 17 cameras and a 35-member crew, was spectacular.
A custom poker table was created with windows to televise cards as they are dealt. A software setup computes and displays the win-percentage of each hand in .03 seconds.
That’s slightly faster than the brush-off response time I get from my editor whenever I ask him for a raise.
Sexy camera angles and high production values are great. But there’s only one ingredient that makes TV poker intriguing to watch.
Players.
The high-risk, cagey nature of the game is a magnet for a diverse, interesting cast of characters such as …
Trista, a makeup artist taught to play the game by actor James Woods.
Royce, a professional fisherman/poker player.
DOUG – Any similarities between fishing and poker?
ROYCE – They both involve a lot of lying.
There was Lloyd, a tribal member who raises buffalo.
There was Tina, a poker addict with a pair of aces tattooed on her chest.
Cam Buffington, a buddy from my college days, was entered in the tournament.
We both resided on the ninth floor of Pearce Hall back when Eastern Washington University was only a state college.
DOUG – What poker skills do you attribute to my influence?
CAM – Bluffing.
Sorry. I won’t tell you who won. That would spoil all the TV fun.
Besides, this could be my big break. Some network hotshot may see me and say:
Wow. Look at that bald guy. He could be the next Katie Couric.
Poker players even have a phrase for such a scenario.
Don’t bet on it.