Harriette Cole: Cruel gossip causes rift among some old friends

Dear Harriette: I am part of a group of seven senior citizens who have been friends for a while. We belong to the same political club, church and bowling league. We have been together for a LONG time. Recently, however, it has come to my attention that one of our members, named Mary, has been spreading unkind gossip about me, which has led to a strange dynamic between myself and the other group members.

When Mary is around, they become cold and unfriendly toward me. It has come to the point where I just want to “drop out” of the group, but I really don’t want to part with any of them.

I approached one friend and asked why she had an attitude when we are together with Mary, but she remained silent. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this matter. Please help me. — Penny, New York, N.Y.

Dear Penny: When the group is all assembled, drum up the courage to ask what’s wrong. Remind them how long you have been friends and how dear they are to you.

Point out that something has obviously changed, and you are very concerned. Ask them to tell you if you have offended them. Be direct, using eye contact. Say you’ve noticed they change when Mary comes around. Ask Mary why that is, in front of them. If no one answers, you may have to move on, as painful as that may seem.

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