John Blanchette: Great wisdom emerges despite Tour de France

You never know. But I do.

“Tiger Woods playing golf while his wife, Elin, was in the hospital pregnant and poised to deliver gives every husband on the planet a mulligan. It just does.

“Now that he’s bailed on the Seattle Mariners, Mike Hargrove is purportedly headed to his New Mexico cabin with his wife Sharon in a new red pickup truck. The hot seat came standard.

“Geez, at this late date, the athletic director at Eastern Washington will be hard-pressed to find a buddy who coaches volleyball.

“Danny Almonte, cut from his minor league team. Michelle Wie, missing the cut everywhere. Lindsay Lohan, sober on her 21st birthday. Precociousness ain’t what it used to be.

“The Tour de France … sorry, I thought I could keep a straight face, but I can’t.

“I never thought I’d type these two names in the same sentence, but if it was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar who got the dunk banned from college basketball, it’ll be Phil Von Buchwaldt who makes it OK to dunk in Hoopfest – at least on center court.

“Seeing the USA Rock Paper Scissors telecast on ESPN2 Saturday reminds me that I need to make some trades in my fantasy league.

“Barry Bonds didn’t want to participate in the Home Run Derby at the All-Star Game so Bud Selig wouldn’t feel bashful about attending. Either that or he just didn’t want to take part in something that so warps the notion of actual competition. That’s just so not his style.

“The International Olympic Committee has voted to stage a Youth Olympics beginning in 2010, so all you 10-year-olds have a head start in stocking up on Human Growth Hormone.

“Yes, Washington State’s basketball team has a high school player committed for enrollment in 2010 and the football program has none for 2008. But that says more about the nature of basketball recruiting and the upgrade the Cougars have made in that program than it does about football.

“Of course, this is still the toughest time of year for Cougar football fans – waiting for the other ineligibility shoe to drop.

“Isn’t it about time for another Pete Rose autobiography – the one in which he admits to betting that Barry Bonds took steroids?

“So if the University of Montana has run both the cornerback who’s accused of murder and the one who reportedly witnessed it but won’t talk, that pretty much takes “Coverup 2” out of the Grizzlies’ defensive playbook this fall.

“In Bozeman, meanwhile, Montana State football players have graduated from slinging dope to egging houses and breaking into the mayor’s home. So there’s no question the Bobcats are much improved.

“What are the chances the next time A-Rod is photographed with his wife he’ll be wearing an “I’m With Stupid” T-shirt?

“This is an old joke, I know, but Gene Upshaw’s dentist must be Doc Martens.

“The Tour de France … oh, damn, I just spit Gatorade all over my keyboard.

“The Seattle Seahawks have won a lawsuit filed by ticket holders over being frisked at the admission gates before games. It would have never gone to trial, but they were a little upset after Jerramy Stevens dropped them for the third time.

“Boy, they can’t open Gozzer Ranch and the second Black Rock golf course on Lake Coeur d’Alene too soon for me. I’m getting pretty damned tired of Escalades and H2s taking up all the parking spaces at Ezzy.

“Since Seattle Mariners fans seem to like their old players better than the current ones, surely we can expect a popular outcry to bring back Mario Mendoza and Lenny Randle as well as Ken Griffey Jr. After all, Junior couldn’t have saved the franchise if those other guys hadn’t turned it into a punch line.

“Which reminds me – seeing how Junior was received on his return to Safeco Field pretty much makes it a lock that Ichiro Suzuki will sign elsewhere at the end of the season, if only so he can get the Beatles treatment when he eventually comes back, too.

“Looks like the Washington Huskies are going to produce back-to-back Rookies of the Year – Brandon Roy in the NBA and Spencer Hawes in the Flat Earth Society.

“It’s a miserable time to be a legend. Not only has Barry Bonds long since passed Babe Ruth in the home run standings, but now some doof named Joey Chestnut takes away the record Babe should have held.

“Not that I mind the Top Hot Dog’s newfound celebrity, as long as that’s 15 minutes of fame that Phil Hellmuth won’t have.

“OK, one more time. The Tour de France – really, it’s hilarious just saying it – started on Saturday, and with the high number of riders banned for previous drug use it look as if the favorite is Miss Gulch from “The Wizard of Oz.”

“Your choice: McCovey Cove during the Home Run Derby or West Medical on opening day of fishing season?

“The boxing promoter in Coeur d’Alene who had to cancel his card last month because he couldn’t get a ring in time gives every husband on the planet another mulligan.

It just does.