Harriette Cole: First serious conflict, they’re not even married

Dear Harriette: My boyfriend of one and a half years told me he wants to get married. The problem is, eight months ago, he moved his best guy friend into the spare bedroom in his apartment. I constantly ask my boyfriend if we are going to get married with his friend living with him? He keeps telling me that, in the next 12 to 18 months, he will tell his friend to find his own apartment. His roommate constantly has his girlfriend over, and I feel like we have no privacy! Should I stay, or should I move on? — Nicole, Bronx, N.Y.

Dear Nicole: Here’s a perfect opportunity for the two of you to deal with a significant conflict head-on. Talk about what you envision your life together to be like: where you will live, when you want to have children, how you intend to manage your money and more. In the midst of that conversation, ask him about his friend — without hostility. Tell him you know he cares about this man and wants to support him, but you believe he is going to have to make a choice. If he intends to get married and build a life with you, he is going to have to invite his friend to move out. Be clear and firm. And be ready to show your fiance what the consequences will be — ultimately that you will not marry him until he has made the proper space for you in his life.