Dear Diane: For starters, take dad to doctor

Dear Diane: We lost my mother to ovarian cancer a few years ago, and my father is now in his mid-70s and living alone. I live closer to him than my siblings do, and so I see him more often. Usually, my brother and sister only see him at holiday gatherings.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that he’s become more absent-minded. Once I came by to see him and found that he had left his coffeemaker on all morning. The kitchen smelled horrible, and the coffeemaker was beginning to smoke. When I told him, he insisted that he had turned it off and got quite angry.

During another visit, I mentioned my children (his grandchildren), and he seemed to have no memory of them at all! I’m becoming very concerned.

Last month I suggested that he get tested for Alzheimer’s disease, and he blew up. He screamed at me, and accused me of trying to put him in an “old folk’s home.” He said if I ever bring up the subject again, he will write me out of his will.

I don’t know what to do. I know that I shouldn’t put the money ahead of his safety, and I’m terrified that he will injure himself when he is alone. On the other hand, we have been counting on our share of his estate to help put the kids through college, and it will be hard to manage without it. Should I give up on the money and do what will keep him safe, or just keep my mouth shut?

— Anxious Daughter in Allentown

Dear Allentown: By all means, have your father seen by a doctor. There are other means to pay for your kids’ college, but you have only one father. Seriously, how could you live with yourself knowing that you’d be spending money gained as a result of your father accidentally killing himself?

Also, if he does have Alzheimer’s, I would imagine it would be difficult for him to alter his will. Consult with an attorney about this.