Harriette Cole: Mr. Perfect stumbles

Wed., June 13, 2007

Harriette Cole United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

Dear Harriette: I just found out that my boyfriend of two years cheated on me. It was with a girl he met at a club when he was extremely intoxicated.

For two years, he was the perfect boyfriend: We never fought, and he never failed to make me smile. I never even in the slightest thought he could ever hurt me like this. Although everything used to be so perfect, I can’t see myself without him. Everyone tells me to let him go, but as much as he hurt me, it’s so hard. Would it be wrong to give him another chance? — Ana, Washington, D.C.

Dear Ana: Stop listening to other people. Be still and listen to your own heart. Evaluate why you think it’s worth it to forgive him.

Write down the fruit of your evaluation. Now talk to your boyfriend about his behavior. Ask him to tell you whether he believes it might happen again.

Discuss his drinking, too. People use consumption of alcohol as an excuse for bad behavior. Call him on his actions, and make it clear how upset you are and that you feel betrayed. Ask if he wants to stay together and what he proposes you both can do to mend this fence.

Many couples have survived infidelity. Only the two of you will be able to determine if you can.

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