Women with chronic illness find comfort in group

Alison Boyle could have used more support 20 years ago.

Uncontrollable migraine headaches, hip pain, miscarriages and kidney problems stumped her doctors, who sent her to a psychiatrist, thinking that perhaps it was “all in her head.”

Fourteen years after her troubles began, Boyle finally had the simple blood test that would offer an explanation. She had lupus, an autoimmune disease that can cause a myriad of symptoms.

Boyle vacillated between being elated at having a diagnosis to feeling terrible about the prospects ahead of her. She joined a lupus support group, which helped in understanding her condition, but she wanted to make peace with having a life-altering disease.

When Boyle read about a new support group for women with chronic illnesses at her church, Real Life Ministries in Post Falls, she knew she couldn’t miss it.

For the past year and a half, the women have met weekly, seeking solace as they battle cancer, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, arthritis and other ailments.

Pat Miller felt led to start the group after living with type 1 diabetes and its effects for 33 years. She had experience leading other Bible studies, but this one would have a different focus.

The members pray – but not for healing. Instead, they pray for God’s help in living with a chronic disease.

“It’s letting people vent their fears,” Miller said. “We talk about how it’s affecting their home and family. A lot of encouragement and love go back and forth in the group.”

Miller says the support group is accomplishing what she set out to do. It’s a place for women who are chronically ill to fit in and belong and have a warm relationship with others, she says.

Members also are encouraged to forgive the people in their lives who may not understand their special needs.

Boyle says she considers the group a “huge blessing.” Miller asks the right questions, which led Boyle to be easier on herself and live more comfortably with lupus.

As a Post Falls mother of two teenage girls, Boyle often felt guilty that she couldn’t work full time, and she struggled to manage her girls’ hectic schedules.

But after the support group studied seven Bible verses that deal with rest, Boyle recognized that her stress was not emotional but physical, due to her illness.

“It caused me to stop and look at planning my day so I have plenty of physical rest, so I can handle the busy day better,” Boyle said. “It’s good to hear others are struggling with the same types of issues.”

Boyle jokes that she will be standing first in line when answers are delivered about why people get serious illnesses, yet she says she has found some good in her experience.

She was able to stay at home to raise her children. She developed a stronger relationship with God.

“I have huge compassion for hurting people,” Boyle said. “It causes me to want to serve them or be there for them with their struggles and with their ‘why’ questions.”

Since her diagnosis, Boyle says, her symptoms are better-controlled and she is thankful for a loving husband and her circle of supportive friends.

She even has discovered gratitude for lupus, the illness that forced her to slow down.

“I think I would have missed a lot of my life because I would have just busied myself to death,” she said. “I look for and appreciate the really good things, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”