Vocal Point: Let’s support parents in their role

I commend the “Our kids, our business” campaign by this newspaper regarding the welfare of our children. Children, without doubt, are our most important resource for the future.

To a lot of people, myself included, the definition of personal success is to some extent determined by what kind of children we raise.

We have in our charge our biggest asset, the ones holding the key to future, and yet, this charge proves the most difficult, daunting task. There lies the paradox: the importance of child-rearing and the challenges of it.

There is no easy answer. Sometimes, there is no answer at all to how or what we can do to parent a child correctly. As parents, it is all a grope in the dark.

And what makes it especially difficult is that the result does not manifest itself until many years down the road. Therefore, conscientious parents are forever struggling with doubt and guilt and best guesses.

Yes, the community can do everything possible to prevent and minimize neglect and abuse. Schools can feed children breakfast, lunch and dinner. But at the end of the day, children go home to their parents, where the single-most-important and enduring influence comes from, where children are programmed at birth to believe everything their parents say and do and to be loved and love in return.

So, to have successful children, we need to start with the parents.

Parents need help, even before their children are born. By that I don’t mean just a supply of diapers or formula or parenting classes, which are extremely important, but emotional support and feedback, sometimes literal hand-holding. I speak from my own experience how this would have helped overtaxed parents cope with stress, minimizing those “just flip out” incidents.

In those impossible times when I had a toddler and a newborn at home, when we all were housebound by the weather, when my husband traveled out of town from Monday to Thursday weekly and when all of us were struck by a vicious flu at the same time, all I wanted was a mentor, somebody to say a kind word, somebody who would come not to listen to the children but the mother cry, somebody who would assure you that this too shall pass. And this somebody would visit once a week or however often.

For those who don’t have a support network readily available in difficult times, what a mother may be looking for is a shoulder to cry on.

This brings to mind a question: If there is a La Leche League devoted to breast-feeding, why isn’t there a mother-to-mother mentoring program devoted to the emotional needs of mothers?

Granted, emotional needs aren’t easy to fulfill, but sometimes just being there and listening are enough.

We have senior citizens who have a lifetime of wisdom to impart. A lot of them are able and willing to mentor. A lot would welcome the company of a younger generation. Children can enrich their lives. They can physically, mentally and emotionally benefit from the interaction.

The wisdom and time senior citizens could offer distressed mothers would be invaluable. It would be a win-win situation for everybody, this mutual adoption.

We need a clearinghouse where we can bring these groups together, let them meet and pair off.

We have so many kind people who have answered the call of this newspaper’s campaign, brave and responsible citizens who stand up in time of need.

I pledge myself to do my part by striving to be a better parent every day in my own home. But I also am ready to offer my shoulder to someone in need. Chances are I will be crying with them.