Harriette Cole: Friend feels neglected

Dear Harriette: A friend of mine recently moved into a new condo. I e-mailed her and casually asked why she hadn’t yet told me of her big move. She wrote back saying she no longer contacts me as much as she used to because I do not call enough to check on her. Her e-mail went into greater detail about why she is upset with me, but overall it took me by complete surprise. I admit I have been rather busy and prefer not to call people when I have nothing of importance to say, but she has no reason to be angry with me. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong and wonder if she is just in need of attention. I am going to call her, but I think she has really over exaggerated this time. What do you think? — Sylvia, Detroit, Mich.

Dear Sylvia: People have different needs, as well as different perceptions of reality. Your friend clearly feels hurt that you haven’t been as attentive as she would like. She may not be nearly as busy as you are in your work and in your life, which could mean she wouldn’t necessarily understand your silence. She also may value your friendship more than you do hers. It’s rare that friendships are equally balanced.

Rather than falling into feelings of guilt, reach out as her friend. Express your concern about her reaction to your absence. Tell her you care about her and apologize for her not feeling it. Reinforce the positive, your good feelings for her.