Dear Diane: Telling one’s spouse about Alzheimer’s

Dear Diane: My wife, “Rita,” and I have been married for 18 years. I am 56. For the most part we have had a good marriage. Sure, we had some ups and downs, but what marriage doesn’t?

About six months ago, Rita and I began fighting. A lot. She kept saying to me that I am not the man she married, that I have changed and I have gotten more mean. Then last month, Rita packed her things and moved out. She’s been staying with her sister, and she said she is in the process of filing for divorce.

Here’s what Rita doesn’t know. Just before she moved out, I went to my doctor and asked him to check me out, because my friends also were telling me that my personality has changed. It turns out I am in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease.

Diane, I love Rita, but I don’t want to tell her about my Alzheimer’s. I don’t want her to come back to me because she pities me. I want her to come back without knowing about it. I want her to come back because she loves me.

What can I do? Time is running out for me.

— Desperate in Delaware

Dear Delaware: I believe Rita still loves you. She will come back to you because she loves you — even if she knows about your Alzheimer’s. You must trust me on this.

Arrange a meeting with Rita, yourself and your doctor, so he can explain to her the changes you’ve been going through — and the changes yet to come. Rita has a right to know this. She has a right to know that the personality changes you’ve undergone are not your fault or hers. You and Rita are the victims of a cruel affliction.

Please don’t hesitate. Call Rita. Call your doctor. Make that appointment now before it is too late. I beg you.