Doug Clark : Notes from the victim, er, mayor’s inaugural

Another day. Another mayor.

And the Spokane wheels go round and round.

Tuesday evening found me at our latest mayoral swear-in soiree. Or “Changing of the Blowhards,” as these political hootenannies are more technically known.

I always make a point of watching a new mayor take the oath of office. Although given the frequency of Lilac City leadership switcheroos, getting to all of them can be a challenge.

This time it was Mary Verner’s turn. The City Council member clobbered incumbent Mayor Dennis Hession in the November election.

Poor Dennis. He was appointed to the job after Mayor Jim West was recalled like a tainted shipment of potted meat.

So Hession’s ouster was more like a partial-term eviction.

I’ve had chest colds that lasted longer than the Hession administration.

What’ll he do now? The ex-mayor could open a mortuary, I suppose. He certainly has the wardrobe for it.

Anyway, Verner held her shindig in the convention wing of the INB Performing Arts Center. (Remember the good old days when it was just the Opera House?)

I knew I had come to the right place when I saw Verner’s face beaming at me from the center’s big electronic marquee. The inauguration party was in a rotation of upcoming attractions.

One of them, I noted, was “The Nutcracker.” Which, come to think of it, is a pretty accurate way to describe what happened to Hession.

Several hundred people attended the Verner event. They included her die-hard supporters, members of the gawking media and some local luminaries.

Police Chief Anne Kirkpatrick was there. We actually exchanged a few cordial words until chief realized how unwise it was to be seen so close to me without an arrest warrant.

She then rushed off in a blue-uniformed whir.

I also said howdy to Steve Corker, who has returned to the City Council after wallowing awhile in the private sector.

I like Steve. I don’t know if I’d trust him to get the potholes fixed. But he’s definitely the sort of gregarious glad-hander I’d want on a bowling team.

I found City Councilman Bob Apple holding court near the cheese trays.

There’s a shocker.

Apple used to be one of my go-to sources of zany column fodder. But during his recent run for re-election, Apple stopped acting out and started pretending to be dignified.

After winning the race, however, Apple appears to have returned to his old wisecracking uncouth self.

Welcome back, Bob!

Did I mention that Verner’s ceremony was very religious?

Prayers were delivered in both English and Salish.

Verner’s daughter, who has a lovely voice, sang a gospel hymn.

The guy sitting behind me kept muttering “Amen.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with this. Hey, I’m no heathen or ACLU member.

It’s just unusual to be around so much fervent godly supplications without somebody passing a collection plate.

The new mayor’s speech was remarkable for its brevity.

My favorite part was when she said, “Tonight, I accept my responsibilities as a molecule among 100 bazillion.”

I don’t have a clue what that has do with alley garbage pickup. But her inaugural address clocked in at two minutes and under 200 words.

That’s what I call an impressive beginning.

Verner seems like a wonderful person. But I like all my City Hall victims.

After the ceremony I hung around until the hugging and snapshot mugging petered out.

Then I shook Verner’s hand. The new Spokane mayor told me she was looking forward to being pilloried in my column.

Yeah, right. Like I haven’t heard that one before.