Dear Harriette: Know where to draw the line

Dear Harriette: One of my friends is coordinating a conference for her job. She’s trying to secure speakers and asked me for some suggestions about whom I would like to hear speak at the conference. I gave her names, but she asked me to go through my boss’ Rolodex and give her their contact information.

When I said no, she got mad and sent me a scathing e-mail. I haven’t spoken to her in a week, but I feel I had every right to refuse. The individuals I suggested are people we both know and, with a little diligence on her part, she can find their contact info on her own. Were my actions and my response justified? — Timothy, Indianapolis, Ind.

Dear Timothy: It’s critical to know where to draw the line between work and friendship. That your friend is unclear about that is not your problem, although she is trying to penalize you for it. You can ride it out, let her cool off and reach out to her later, or you can respond. If you choose to e-mail her, be firm.

Tell her you were happy to make professional suggestions for her job, but you are not willing to jeopardize your job or your integrity in order to help her. Suggest how she might find the contacts for the people you recommended and leave it at that.