Watch out, fur may fly at Thanksgiving reunion

Dear Diane: This Thanksgiving, I am holding a massive family reunion. Relatives from all over the country (and even a few from overseas!) will be coming for a weeklong celebration. My family hasn’t had a reunion like this in more than 20 years, so it’s a big deal.

I have invited my 20-year-old daughter, “Kelly,” from a previous marriage. Our relationship has been rocky for most of her life, but for the past two years things have been going great with us. Kelly is excited to connect with a part of her bloodline she has never known.

Here’s the problem: Kelly’s mother (my ex-wife), “Roberta,” wants to attend the reunion, too. She was not invited, but assumes that since I invited Kelly she must be invited as well.

My family does not like my ex-wife, but they adore Kelly. If Roberta shows up, fur will definitely fly (if you know what I mean, and I think you do). If I tell Roberta not to come, she will no doubt throw a hissy fit and that means Kelly will probably not attend. Even worse, it could harm our already fragile relationship.

How do I resolve this?

— Twisted in Toledo

Dear Toledo: Speak with as many relatives as you think need talking to and ask them to go easy on Roberta – not for her sake, but for the sake of your and Kelly’s relationship. It’s only for a few days, but it will have a lifetime of consequences for you and Kelly.

Also, speak with Kelly and explain that although you don’t mind Roberta coming to the reunion, there will be some relatives who may be cold toward her and that Kelly shouldn’t hold that against you. Tell her that there are other relatives who don’t like each other, but will be attending too. That’s the nature of family reunions.

Hopefully Kelly is mature enough to make the distinction and use this time to bond more with you and those family members she’s been estranged from for all these years. Good luck.