Why not elect the real man in the men’s room
So Larry “Mr. Bojangles” Craig will shuffle on off to Buffalo.
I’m not surprised, really. You could say the handwriting was on the stall.
In a Saturday press conference, Idaho’s Craig resigned his U.S. Senate post in order to pursue legal options and a possible spot on next season’s “Dancing with the Stars.”
The announcement concludes a whirlwind week of innuendo and parody songwriting over the revelation that the conservative Republican had pleaded guilty after being arrested last June in an airport men’s room vice sting.
By now, we all know the tale of Larry’s layover in Minneapolis:
How he peered into an occupied commode. And how he tapped his foot. How he rubbed his hand under the adjoining stall.
How he …
What other choice did the politician have?
Despite Craig’s claims of encrapment, no sitting senator has ever survived the stain of a toilet-sex scandal.*
*(President Lyndon Johnson was said to have conducted press interviews while doing his business on a White House can. While the president’s behavior was inarguably crude and rude, it cannot be construed as lewd.)
But there is no need to be depressed. In fact, I view what happened as a shining example of courage under pressure.
No, I’m not talking about Craig’s bug-out.
That sad sack is just the latest family values hypocrite to be done in by his desires.
Oh, why do we keep electing these weirdos?
The brave man I refer to is a lowly investigator named Dave Karsnia.
This cop was on a routine undercover mission to de-perv the airport potties.
Karsnia never dreamed he’d bag a senator. He just went about doing his job and wound up arresting the tall, gray-haired man who tried to play footsie with him.
Nothing heroic there. It’s what happened afterwards that is so remarkable.
Craig made sure that Karsnia knew who he was. So in terms of power, this was David vs. Goliath.
No. Scratch that.
This was Dave vs. Godzilla.
Karsnia was up against a veteran lawmaker, a man with vast influence, a guy who hobnobs with the freaking president of the United States.
I’ve logged a 30-year-plus career in journalism observing human nature. I know what normally happens when the little fish get in the way of the big fish.
The guppies get gobbled.
That’s why my eyes almost popped out of my head while poring over the transcript of the conversation between Karsnia and Craig.
First, let me give you what I expected to see:
D.K.: “OK, Sen. Craig. I’m trained in this. I know what I saw.”
L.C.: “You saw something that didn’t happen.”
D.K.: “All right, senator. I’m not going to fight you. I know what I’m up against. So I’m going to cut you a break and let you off this time with a verbal warning.”
L.C.: “You’re doing the right thing.”
D.K.: “Just don’t let this happen again.”
L.C.: “You’re a good man, Dave. Can I call you Dave? Why don’t you give me your address. I’ll send you one those wonderful American flags we fly over the Capitol Building.”
D.K.: “That would be nice, I guess.”
L.C.: “And here’s my card. If you’re ever in Washington D.C., give my office a call. I’ll have my staff give you a personal tour of the Senate.”
D.K.: “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.”
That’s not what happened.
When the moment came where Karsnia could have backed down, he instead held his ground. He told the dishonorable Larry Craig just exactly what he thought of his shuck and jive:
D.K.: “I know you’re not going to fight me. But that’s not the point. I would respect you. I don’t disrespect you but I’m disrespecting you now and I’m not trying to act like I have all kinds of power or anything, but you’re sitting here lying to a police officer.”
L.C.: “I, I, I.”
A bit later, Karsnia, in disgust, said it all: “Embarrassing, embarrassing. No wonder why we’re going down the tubes.”
If Idahoans were smart, they would start a “Draft Dave” movement today.
Get the man to move to the Gem State and become a resident. Then he can eventually run against whatever stiff gets appointed to fill the Larry void.
Hey, I can’t speak for Idaho. But I’d swap a Karsnia for a Craig any day of the week.