Juice-free Kato Kaelin alive, well
It’s 1994 all over again.
The Juice is in handcuffs. The Juice is in a courtroom. The Juice is on every cable TV news station …
So why fight it?
On Wednesday afternoon, I called the only likable figure to emerge from the O.J. Simpson murder trial.
Not Mark Fuhrman.
No offense, but anyone who’s ever been grilled by Fuhrman wouldn’t categorize the caustic and controversial Spokane radio chat show host as “likeable.” Besides, I can talk to him any day of the week.
I’m referring to the inimitable Kato Kaelin.
“I’ve always liked people,” Kato told me. “It’s the way I was raised.”
You remember Kato. He was crashing in Simpson’s guest house the night Nicole Brown, O.J.’s ex-wife, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, were butchered by …
Aw, we all know who did it.
Called to the stand, Kato didn’t make much of a witness. But his surf-bum good looks and drifty cheerfulness endeared him to comedians and the world. In the years following the trial, Kato parlayed his testimonial limelight into a sort of cult status that has included TV show appearances, movie roles and other gigs.
Kato currently hosts National Lampoon’s “Eye for an Eye,” a TV daytime court program that is aired in 30-plus countries.
“Things are so good I can afford to live on my own couch,” bragged Kato.
With Simpson back in the fire, Kato has become one of those “must-have” interviews. He’s talked to Larry King. He’s talked to Greta Van Susteren. He’s talked to John Gibson …
Why shouldn’t Kato spill the beans to Ol’ Doug?
“I was in Vegas the exact same time (O.J.) was there,” revealed Kato, who added that they never crossed paths and he had “no idea” what Simpson was up to.
By now everybody and their hedgehog knows that Simpson has been charged with 10 felonies regarding the alleged armed theft of some $80,000 worth of sports memorabilia from a Las Vegas hotel room.
What you’re probably scratching your head over is how I landed an interview with such a well-known C-list celebrity.
To that I must thank my son, Ben.
In one of those quirky flashes of fate, Kato and Ben have become good pals. So much so that Kato agreed to star in a rollicking music video with my son’s rock band, The Lashes.
The just-released video is called “Hollywood Pizza Party!” To see it go to www.youtube.com and search “Kato and the Lashes.”
(Warning: The video, like the Simpson saga, features a surprise real-life arrest.)
Ben met Kato one night last year when his band was on tour in Los Angeles. He entered the exclusive Hyde Lounge hoping to spot Paris Hilton. No such luck. But Kato was there. After they struck up a conversation, the ever-struggling actor told Ben he was a fan of the band.
“He gave me his business card and told me if I didn’t use it I could sell it for 50 bucks on e-Bay,” said Ben.
Ben kept the card and stayed in touch. Some months later, Kato agreed to do the video, which features a new song – “Look at Us” – and my son defacing one of the sacred Hollywood Walk of Fame stars by writing Kato’s name on it with a Sharpie. (I claim no responsibility for this.)
In the video, Kato dances with street people, eats pizza and has a duel with Darth Vader.
Even more Kato can be had on the National Lampoon Web site. In a hilarious video message to O.J., a fearful and sweating Kato gives back items he stole from the guest house.
“Don’t shoot me,” he says nervously into the camera. “Please. I want to live.”
It appears to be a good time to be Kato. It is, he agreed, and offered me the Kato Kaelin philosophy of life:
“You’re never too big. You’re never too good. You’re on Earth for a very short time – so have fun.”