Love stories: Lots of love keeps Fehers together despite times apart
Fifty-one years ago Ferenc Fehér (pronounced fair-ance fay-HAR) entered a Walgreen’s Drug Store in Florida. He needed change to make a phone call. Those few coins would change his life forever.
The cashier noticed his sapphire-colored eyes and was intrigued by his thick Hungarian accent. Fehér doesn’t recall his first impression of that helpful cashier. But he certainly remembers the second time he saw her.
A few days later he returned to the store, bought a cup of coffee and took a seat close to the friendly beauty. As Jolene Weller Fehér recalled, “He stretched his single cup of coffee as long as he was able.”
He stayed until the store closed at midnight and then offered to walk Jolene to the bus. On a recent morning the couple sat in their north Spokane living room and Fehér recalled with a grin, “She said she didn’t want to get married. I thought to myself, ‘We’ll see how long that holds up.’ “
The 28-year-old Hungarian was no stranger to challenges. His family fled their country in 1945 as the Russians invaded. They settled in Austria. From there Ferenc and his brother joined the phalanx of displaced persons who made their way to the United States after World War II.
He worked on a farm in Iowa for three years and then joined the Marines. When he met Jolene at the drug store he was ready to marry and start a family.
Jolene said, “I’d been married before and been scorched. I had a young daughter and was a college student. I told him we could be friends.” She paused, and then laughed. “It was like waving a red flag in front of a bull!”
Ferenc met Jolene’s mother and her daughter, Cathy, and charmed them both. And on June 7, 1956, barely eight weeks after their April 1 meeting, Ferenc and Jolene married.
Shortly thereafter he was transferred to North Carolina. His bride stayed in Florida to finish her degree in elementary education. It would be the first of many separations.
“I got out of the Marines in 1959,” Ferenc said. “A week later I was in the Air Force.” By this time the couple had two more children and felt the Air Force was more amenable to family life.
They ended up in Spokane in 1967 and bought the home they still live in the following year. In 1974 Ferenc was posted to Italy, and Jolene found a great job teaching in a Department of Defense school. When her husband’s tour was up, Jolene stayed in Italy. “I’d given up so many jobs moving with him over the years,” she said. “I wanted to finally earn a retirement.”
Ference returned to Spokane and retired from the Air Force in 1980. “I figured she’d come home,” he said. “She didn’t!” So he traveled back to Italy.
“It was a case of Scottish stubbornness versus Hungarian stubbornness,” said Jolene. “I won!”
When asked if cultural differences were any obstacle, Ferenc smiled and said, “If there were any, I didn’t pay attention to them.”
His wife disagreed. “Every Christmas we had a head-on collision over decorating the tree.” In Hungary they decorate their trees with real candles and Jolene wasn’t having any of it. “We finally compromised with electric candles.”
In 1998 they returned to their home in Spokane, together. “Stubbornness, staying power and lots of love keep a marriage together,” Jolene said. “Being apart strengthened us rather than weakened us.”
The couple also says frank and open communication helped them draw closer.
In June they celebrated their 51st wedding anniversary. In their beautiful backyard sanctuary, Jolene showed off her husband’s latest gift – a burbling pond filled with koi and goldfish. “My pond is his love song to me,” she said with a sigh.
And what about her vow never to marry again? She smiled and said, “He changed my mind – permanently.”