Harriette Cole: ‘Happily married’ woman falling for male co-worker

Dear Harriette: I’ve been married for the past 11 years, and we are very happy together. Despite all the ups and downs, we always find a way to work through our issues.

Recently, I found myself developing feelings for an older man who works at the bar in the hotel I manage. I met him about six months ago, and he was the perfect gentleman. We began flirting, and the attraction kept getting stronger. When his shift changed, I didn’t see him as often and I became strangely depressed.

My thoughts were filled with him, and I knew my husband could sense something was wrong. How do I reconcile these feelings? I have no way of contacting this man and only know him by his first name. I was too scared to gather more information because of what it might cost me. — Constance, New York, N.Y.

Dear Constance: It’s human nature to be attracted to people even though you’re married. Your attraction switch doesn’t automatically shut off just because you got married.

It does mean that you have to face the choices before you. You already did something wise. You did not try to find a way to contact this man after he changed his shift. It’s great that fear stood in your way. Allow that trepidation to keep you on the straight and narrow now.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked to be moved to another schedule so that he could be separated from you. That would have been an honorable act on his part.

Whatever the reason for the separation, use it to refocus attention back on your marriage. Don’t dwell on the feelings you’ve stirred up during this flirtation. Remember the great times you and your husband have shared and reignite those feelings. Make your marriage worth it.