Take this job and … love it?
Dear Harriette: I have been working at a job for about a year now. When I started, I felt happy about my prospects. My hopes have dwindled. Now I dread going to work. I’m worried, though, that in this failing economy, I won’t be able to find another job. Should I suck it up and stick it out? — Belinda, Washington, D.C.
Dear Belinda: There’s no such thing as a job for life. Consider it a blessing you have discovered that this may not be a long-term job for you. Friction has a wonderful way of making people notice what they don’t like about a situation. Welcome friction as a catalyst to help you find an opportunity that can be lucrative and rewarding. We spend too much time in our work environments to feel crippled. Brush up your resume and start looking. Trust that a better opportunity is awaiting you, even in this economy.
Dear Harriette: I think your response to a previous writer about letting go of the men in her past, didn’t hit the nail on the head. I used to have a hard time letting go of the men in my past. After being lied to and cheated on in my first relationship, I never let one get serious enough without first cheating on him. I always chose very loving and sweet guys, but once I began to have feelings for them, I made sure that if something ever happened, I could pull out the “I-cheated-on-you-first card.”
That strategy led to countless lonely nights crying myself to sleep and asking how I could do that to myself. Knowing that I was the one in the wrong and how wonderful these guys really were made me never quite let go. Sometimes this resulted in jealousy when they were dating someone else. It took a long time to realize that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be and that there was something special in almost each relationship.
After realizing this, I can now say life is so much better. I am close to almost all my exes, including those who are dating mutual friends.
If this man played such a wonderful part in the writer’s past, why would she risk losing him and her friend? She should wish them well, and maybe all three relationships can prosper. It might not be easy, but it’s better than being lonely! — Pat, New Orleans, La.
Dear Pat: Thank you for being so honest about how you have managed in your relationships. Being conscious and intentional about how you behave in any situation makes it possible for you to claim happiness, even when it’s difficult.
Masking your fears through behavior that is guaranteed to backfire can reverberate through your life in such an insidious way, as you’ve experienced. Your story proves, however, that it is possible to step out of such behavior and become emotionally and spiritually healthy.
Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is the new creative director of Ebony magazine.