Ask boyfriend why he brought buddy

Dear Harriette: I’ve been dating a great guy for about a month now. He recently invited me out for dessert and drinks. When I arrived, he was there with his roommate. Wasn’t it odd that he’d invite me on a “date” and then bring his roommate? We had a good time, but I thought it strange. What’s your take? — Angie, Dallas, Texas

Dear Angie: Did you ask your date why he brought his roommate along? You call your date a “great guy.” It sounds as if you enjoy his company and that you actually enjoyed your time with him and his roommate, even as you found it odd. Here’s your chance to get into your guy’s head and learn what he’s thinking. Tell him that you enjoyed your date the other night, even as you found it somewhat strange that you had company. Be direct and ask him why he brought his roommate.

You may be surprised by his answer. My first thought: Perhaps the roommate had a bad day and wanted some company. It could be your guy wanted to introduce the two of you and didn’t want to wait any longer. It could have been a spontaneous decision for the roommate to tag along. Don’t go nuts guessing why this happened. Ask and find out.

Dear Harriette: In my workplace, people don’t speak. By “speak,” I mean greet each other with “Good morning,” etc. I sometimes feel foolish chirping greetings because no one ever responds. I was raised in the South, and that’s just not proper decorum. Is this something to which I should become accustomed now that I’m up North? — Shanti, Cambridge, Mass.

Dear Shanti: Rude is rude no matter where you live! The fact that your co-workers do not greet one another is not regional; it is bad manners. I remember visiting an office in North Carolina a few years back. Sure, that is in the South. A new employee told me about an incident she faced with a longtime employee. This young woman would typically come to work very quietly, pass co-workers on the way to her desk, sit down and begin to work. After a month or so, the older woman greeted her with “Good morning,” as she always did, but followed it with “Why don’t you ever say hello in the morning?” The young woman explained that she’s not a morning person so she keeps to herself in the morning. The older woman countered that most people don’t love the idea of coming to work early in the morning but treating each other cordially from the outset is a way everyone can set a positive tone for the day.

The choice to engage your team courteously can make the difference between establishing a healthy work environment and encouraging a distant one. Don’t give up on your greetings. They may pay off in the end!