Middle school 101: Tips for survival

We understand how stressful getting back to school can be, especially when you are moving up to a bigger school. Having recently “graduated” from middle school, we feel it our duty to pass along some helpful tips that ensured our success and safety — all while keeping it green.

• We must warn you of some dangers, like the whole grain corn dogs. If you pack a lunch, you can easily avoid them, but use a lunchbox and plastic containers that can be reused.

• Did you know that an average toilet uses 1.6 gallons of water per flush? That’s a lot of water just to give someone a swirly. We suggest you either dunk two people at once, or spin the victim and refrain from flushing.

• For those of you who like to stand in one place while in the halls, you are a target for pranksters. At least try to stand next to recycling bins as they will be less gooey if you get canned. If you do happen to get stuck in a garbage can, take the time to check for recyclables that people may have absentmindedly thrown away.

Other survival strategies:

• If you get stuck in your locker, use your spare time to knit a re-usable grocery bag, so you don’t have to use the plastic ones and you’re not wasting any time.

• The good thing about wrestling is that leotards save plastic and spandex.

• Don’t bother copying your neighbor, it wastes paper. Just tell your teacher that you would like to use their answers.

• Recycle “kick me” signs. When you are done, pass it on to your neighbor.

• Reduce, reuse, recycle. The gum on the bottom of your desk is there for a reason.

• Recycle old homework papers at the end of the quarter. Hand them down to the kids coming into that class for the next quarter.

• Refrain from using stink bombs, as they are bad for the “learning atmosphere.”

• Make sure that the stall has toilet paper before you sit down. (Recycling is not advised).