Nothing like a little news to quash the holiday spirit

If you’re having a hard time feeling the holiday glow this year, I can’t blame you.

Every time you turn around, some TV talking head is telling us about the latest stock market collapse or new bailout plan for another failed industry.

We here at the newspaper are just as guilty, of course. Wednesday’s edition was a classic when it comes to spreading gloom.

No, I’m not talking about the poor old guy in a wheelchair who, as it turns out, concocted his story about three dudes mugging him for his groceries.

That’s just sad.

The story that put me into a funk was learning that the November election was still hanging over us like the ghastly stink of smelly cheese.

A recount has been going on over at the county auditor’s lair to see who gets to disappoint us as a 6th District state legislator.

The recount was forced when the initial count showed Democrat John Driscoll holding a 74-vote lead over Republican John Ahern.

Quite frankly, I couldn’t care less who wins. My outlook is a lot like that of a jaded hooker on East Sprague.

A John is a John, in other words.

But with the economy deep into the septic tank, I can’t see wasting taxpayer dollars on something that could be quickly decided with a coin flip.

Conducting an official recount is not only expensive, but tedious.

Apparently you can’t just carry the ballots home and tabulate them while eating dinner and watching reruns of “Two and a Half Men.”

You have to set up a table that includes two actual county vote counters plus one Democrat and one Republican to oversee what’s going on.

Election officials say this is fair because it gives each party an equal opportunity to cheat.

County Auditor Vicky Dalton calls it a “double blind” process.

That, however, is not to be confused with what goes on over in Olympia.

That’s the blind leading the blind.

Yep. Bad news seems to be everywhere. I can’t even open an e-mail without getting depressed.

Take Leann Springer’s message about the big holiday light heist that has rocked Royal Plaza, a retirement center in north Spokane.

Springer, the center’s administrator, said two maintenance men spent hours Monday putting Christmas lights on the pillars that adorn the center’s portico.

About 10:15 p.m., one of the residents heard a noise. She looked out of her second-story window to see a man yanking off the lights.

“What are you doing,” the woman asked after opening the window.

To which the man replied: “I’m stealing your lights.”

By the time the woman summoned help, the thief had absconded with three out of the four sets.

Stealing Christmas lights from an old-folks home?

That’s repugnant even by local dirtbag standards.

What would someone do with three strands of stolen Christmas lights?

Odds are he’ll strip them for the copper wire.

But maybe he’s still got some feelings about Christmas.

In that case he could have stolen the lights to make his meth lab look more festive, I suppose.

Either way, jail’s too good for such a brazen and unscrupulous thief.

A guy this low belongs in politics.