Economy won’t be fixed until pols feel pinch

I took my 86-year-old mom to her holiday pinochle party Wednesday morning. That gave me a little time to myself on the drive back home, so I decided to fix the economy.

Here’s what I came up with:

We’ve got to stop putting society’s most untrustworthy members in charge of our money.

And by untrustworthy I don’t mean run-of-the-mill swindlers or pickpockets. Those unsavory characters still actually have some values and a sense of money management.

No, I mean politicians.

Take Washington’s Gov. Gregoire, for example.

There’s been a lot of hubbub lately about the dire budget proposals that Gregoire and her flying monkey advisers will be unveiling today.

“You can’t lose weight by clipping your fingernails,” her legislative director, Marty Brown, cautioned last week in Spokane.

“… There will be cuts to everything.”

Oh, please. What does The Governoire know about economics?

The only cut she made during her first term was to reduce her name from Christine to Chris.

True, this did give the state a net savings of four letters.

But now we’re supposedly facing a two-year shortfall that could hit $6 billion. The state needs sound judgment and fiscal expertise.

What’s Gregoire going to do, chop the “A” out of the WASL?

I believe the governor needs some practice living on a modest “real life” budget before she starts doing any meaningful number crunching.

My plan for the economy would be to move the governor into a singlewide trailer.

Then, after donating her official salary to charity, she should spend six months or so attempting to live on the wages of the average hair stylist or casino blackjack dealer.

This would give our governor some practical insight on how to survive the recession as a low-income Washingtonian.

Once this exercise is completed, she can return to the state Capitol and bring her findings to the Legislature.

Gregoire: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some exciting economic news.

Legislature : Hear! Hear!

Gregoire : Albertsons is running a big sale on Top Ramen this week.

Legislature : Bravo!

Look, I don’t mean to single out Gov. Gregoire.

In my jaundiced view, all politicians are greedy, opportunistic hypocrites who would evict their own mothers if an aide convinced them it would elevate their poll numbers.

These cads think nothing of spending obscene amounts of money to get elected. Then once in office they go into this sad frugal act and pretend to feel our pain.

Consider our recent presidential orgy of spending.

Depending on whose figures you believe, Democrat Barack Obama’s campaign spent between $700 million and $800 million.

In his losing effort, Republican John McCain threw away something like $500 million.

That’s over a billion bucks, my friends. And much of it while the nation was in the throes of an economic collapse.

A billion would buy a lot of health care for the poor and feed a lot of hungry folks.

But where’d the money go? I’ll tell you where the money went.

It paid for …

•Seemingly endless streams of stupid, annoying attack ads.

•Cross country trips to deliver the same boring speeches over and over and over again.

•Sarah Palin’s wardrobe shopping sprees.

•More stupid and annoying attack ads.

There’s only one thing candidates should say after wasting money in such historic amounts:

“I’m sorry.”