Holidays over, Brits file for divorce
LONDON – Thousands of Britons called their divorce lawyers or marriage counselors on Monday, a day widely referred to here as “D-Day” because of the large number of people filing for divorce after spending long periods of time with spouses over the holidays.
Many British divorce lawyers said that in recent years they have noticed that their busiest day of the year is the Monday of the first full week back to work after New Year’s.
“Our telephones have not stopped all day,” said James Stewart, a partner at Manches, Britain’s largest family law firm. “Couples are very reluctant to consider the possibility of divorce in the lead-up to Christmas – it’s a terribly important time of year here. No one wants to give their husband or wife a proverbial bloody nose during the holidays.”
But many decide after the New Year that they “want a fresh start,” Stewart said. Divorce lawyers in the United States have reported a similar bulge after the holidays.
Many British take two full weeks off from before Christmas until after the New Year – for most, their biggest block of free time all year. Derek Bedlow, managing editor of InsideDivorce.com, an online resource for people considering divorce, said all that togetherness can be “a nightmare for anyone with even a remotely shaky relationship.”
“There are just so many opportunities for things to go badly,” he said – arguments about which in-laws are coming to dinner, presents that disappoint and alcohol-induced infidelities at parties.
Bedlow said his group recently conducted a survey of 2,000 people and 100 others who were divorce lawyers, and determined that the most common reasons for a marriage to break up are infidelity, abuse, boredom and lack of sex. “There are a number of reasons,” Bedlow said, “and they come to the surface when people spend time together.”
The second-busiest time of the year for divorce lawyers is early September, right after families return from their summer vacations, Bedlow said.
Denise Knowles, a therapist who works with couples at Relate, a counseling organization that offers guidance to more than 100,000 people a year, said marriage counselors, like divorce attorneys, see huge spikes in calls and appointments in January and September.
Knowles said she had just spoken to a woman in her late 30s, who arrived in her office and said that “Christmas was awful and that she did all the work.”
“Her husband felt it was a holiday and didn’t contribute,” Knowles said. “She said that whenever they had a drink, their arguments got out of hand and they said things they wish they hadn’t.”
Knowles said that at the beginning of the new year, many fed-up spouses decide, “No, this year I’m not taking it anymore.”