Boyfriend won’t share feelings

Dear Diane: I would like to know something, please. Now I know that everyone’s point of view is different, but I don’t quite understand my boyfriend. I am happy with Roger. I love him dearly, and I won’t do anything to mess it up. Yet guys still hit on me. I don’t know whether to just not be myself or to tone it down or off.

I chill more when I’m around Roger, but I am still the more outgoing one, and Roger is shy. Whenever he feels something, I basically have to sense it because he won’t tell me how he feels. I would like to know how to open him up about this situation.

He’s the most incredible, awesome human being I’ve ever known. I have never had a relationship longer than two months, but in July we’re going to hit six months.

Please send some advice.

— Young Woman in Youngstown

Dear Youngstown: Congratulations on your upcoming six-month “anniversary”! That’s a big milestone in a relationship, and it bodes well for you and Roger.

Now to your letter. You have two issues that need to be resolved: Roger’s reluctance to express his feelings verbally, and the fact that you don’t know how to react when other men hit on you.

First, let’s talk about Roger. Some men — especially young men — have a hard time expressing their feelings verbally, but they do show their love in many, many ways. I think this is the type of man you have. You can try to change him, but I don’t think it’ll work. You can, however, let him know that you won’t think him less of a man if he ever wants to talk about his feelings. Until then, just count on having to bring up the topic first.

Second, you’re uncertain about how to act when other guys flirt with you. Hey, it’s part of life. You’re a woman. Men flirt. Enjoy it. But let those men know that you have a serious boyfriend and that things aren’t going to go any further, because you’re not about that.