Mr. Irrelevant: Living large in La-La Land
Editor’s note: Former University of Idaho linebacker David Vobora, the last pick in the NFL draft, has been dubbed Mr. Irrelevant and is being feted this week with a variety of events in Southern California. Following is Vobora’s second report as Mr. Irrelevant:
Mr. Irrelevant here again from gorgeous Newport Beach. As I try to keep my head afloat in the midst of the non-stop party, I want you to know this is hard work they’re putting me through down here. It’s not easy being pampered and celebrated all day and night; it’s truly exhausting work. Well, let’s jump right into it because there is a LOT that has gone on since we last chatted.
Monday morning came early and “Mr. I” hit the links for a round of golf here in sunny Southern California. How did it go? Great time. My score you ask? Irrelevant. It was only Monday afternoon and I was already living the dream while signing autographs and taking pictures with people and I technically hadn’t even “arrived” yet! I was asked to sign a menu at a famous restaurant for heaven’s sake, like I was actually someone important or something!
The Monday evening “Arrival Ceremony” for Mr. I was held down at the Newport Dunes Waterfront Resort and they had to keep me hidden until my grand entrance. I was hidden behind some trees when I was given my entrance outfit. An authentic (definitely used) Orange County Jail suit. I threw on the bright orange monkey suit and they put me in a ball and chain and some serious shackles. They threw me in the bed of a police pickup with a pack of high school cheerleaders who were dressed as Vandals, hit the lights and sirens, and officially brought me in as Mr. I XXXIII. The flashes and clicks of photos and tons of cameras in my face was flattering, especially when one is in a jail suit. I may have permanent eye damage from the ridiculous amount cameras flashing nonstop; maybe I should have bought sunglasses to wear. That’s what famous people do right? I think I may go pick some up. … But I should probably leave the tag on so I can return them after this short week of fame.
The arrival party was great, tons of people enjoying the festivities, I was unshackled and presented the infamous Rams No. 252 jersey, which may be even cooler than my actual Rams No. 58 jersey. I sat atop a tall lifeguard tower on stage and was showered with hundreds of gifts. All the gifts were hilarious, unique and greatly appreciated. I put on some of the different items and enjoyed making a fool out of myself, as usual. It was a spectacular entrance, welcoming and night out in Newport.
Tuesday morning arrived carrying a lot of anticipation. It was time to head to the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland! Like a little kid I got up early and mentally prepared for the exciting day. We got VIP entrance and treatment all day at Disneyland. I was “mic’d up” for TV and we ran around Disney doing rides, eating my favorite – CHURROS – and taking pictures with characters. The pack of cameras following us all day may have captured some incriminating evidence. Evidence that I hope doesn’t end up in the tabloids, because if Mickey sees the way Minnie and I hit it off, it could be trouble. The people from Disneyland were awesome. They escorted us around like we were the royal family and made the day a dream come true.
We left Disneyland and enjoyed a couple pounds of glorious greasy beef and chili at our Tommy Burger stop. Refueled and reenergized, we headed up to L.A. for a little taste of America’s favorite past time. We got VIP everything at the Dodgers game. We were on the field for BP, took pics with Dodger great Steve Garvey, got a baseline suite, wound up on the big screen and ate enough Dodger Dogs to feed the entire first-base line! Postgame we put on our pretty clothes and headed uptown to Hollywood to see if we couldn’t look like someone important. We had a phenomenal evening, out at the clubs with a number of stars. Have I mentioned I haven’t slept since I-Week started? Why sleep when you’re living the dream? I can catch up on simple old sleep later.
Now that I have given you the short version of what has been happening we can talk about what I am heading to currently. Tonight is the Lowsman Banquet. No, not the Heisman Trophy, the most prestigious of all awards, the Lowsman. If you do not know what it looks like by now, go and Google the name and you’ll see what will be sitting front and center in the ol’ trophy case at home. The roast is on and I can’t wait. We’ll talk again soon so stay with me.