Out of the Darkness Walk to benefit SPAN Idaho

Idaho has the sixth-highest suicide rate in the nation and consistently ranks among those states showing the highest suicide rate, with men accounting for more than 80 percent of these lost lives.

Estimates say that in Idaho, every other day a person takes his or her life. These sobering statistics were provided by the Suicide Prevention Action Network of Idaho and are based on a 2003 report, the last year such a report was compiled.

SPAN Idaho functions under the umbrella of the national organization and, like the parent organization, is dedicated to preventing suicide, understanding its causes, educating and increasing awareness of warning signs and the mental illnesses that can lead to suicide. Members consist of professionals and those whose lives have been impacted in some way by suicide.

To help fund the program, the local chapter of SPAN, encompassing the counties of Kootenai, Bonner and Shoshone, is sponsoring its first Out of the Darkness Walk next Saturday. These fundraising walks take place at various times throughout the United States and their success depends on local members. According to literature provided by the organization 85 cents of every dollar goes directly to research education and survivor service programs.

Two area women are among those active in their support of SPAN Idaho and participate in a local support group. Both have lost loved ones and have handled the recovery process in different ways and have radically different experiences leading up to a loved one’s choosing to take his own life.

Karen Petit, Coeur d’Alene, is a suicide survivor. Six years ago, at the age of 42, her brother Don Chambers ended his own life, leaving his wife, Brenda, two sons, his family and friends, stunned, grieving and questioning.

Petit says, “Until Don’s death, suicide was just a word.”

Petit, her husband and children were living in Portland. Since then the family has moved to Coeur d’Alene. She describes coming to grips with her brother’s death as extremely difficult.

“I had to deal with my own depression,” she said. “I first read books on the subject and three years ago I began seeing a counselor. At first I fought taking medication for my depression but eventually I learned I needed it. I had feelings of guilt. I even felt guilty for feeling depressed.”

Rhonda Grey, who makes her home in Post Falls, had a far different experience in the loss of one of her sons. It has been more than two years since she entered the garage to discover the lifeless body of her 28-year-old son, Ryan.

While Petit plunged into reading self-help books Grey did not, electing to find her own way through grief and the beginning of recovery. She says that she does not believe there is any right way or wrong way to grieve. “I take steps forward day by day.” She smiles slightly and adds, “And some days, a couple of steps back.”

While Don Chambers descent into despair appeared to be sudden, Ryan Grey suffered many years with mental illness. Rhonda Grey says that it was something he kept secret from those who knew him

She says, “He had his first breakdown at the age of 19 but most people had no idea. He felt there was a stigma attached to mental illness.”

She has advice to parents: “If someone is thinking or talking of taking their own life, get help.” She also says that parents having children who are in difficulty, are mentally ill or suicidal must stay involved.

She has praise for the help she and her son received. Although she eventually lost him, she says, “I had him for another nine years and am grateful for that.”