Mom’s golden dating rule a little tarnished

Dear Harriette: A woman I met at the grocery store seemed really nice, and I gave her my phone number. She has been calling me a lot, which is great. I’m confused now, though. My mother taught me that when a woman is aggressive, it means that she’s bad. OK, so she taught me this when I was growing up and now I’m 35 years old. Nonetheless, don’t her rules still apply? — Ed, Cherry Hill, N.J.

Dear Ed: As an adult, I continue to respect my parents’ rules and values. I also make my own decisions every day, as should you. I’m curious. You gave this woman your phone number, right? That’s why she can call you. Have you called her? Before you judge her, give her a chance. She may be breaking the “rules” because she thinks that’s the only way to spark a wholesome relationship with you. Find out. You liked her at first. Don’t dump her before you find out whether your initial spark of interest is worth pursuing.

Dear Harriette: I visited my sister recently, and I hadn’t seen her for about a year. I was surprised to see that she had gained a lot of weight. I mean a lot. Heck, I’ve gained weight, too, but I don’t know. I feel that if she doesn’t do something soon, she could get really sick. Our family has a history of high blood pressure and diabetes. I bet you anything she has got some of those conditions right now. She would have to. I also know how sensitive it is to talk about weight gain. She has been on the gain for years, and she would never talk about it. Now that I’ve gained weight, maybe I could bring it up about myself, too. I don’t want to do or say nothing and then see her get sick or die soon. Advice? — Annie, San Francisco, Calif.

Dear Annie: You are right to be concerned and sensitive to realize how difficult it can be for people to address weight issues. Who knows if you will ever break through to your sister to get her to take action? But it’s definitely worth the effort.

Why not research a weight-loss program that you can participate in together — remotely. Invite her to join you in a contest to see who can lose anything in the next month. See if you can bait her into the competition. There are many national programs that are monitored online or with telephone support. Find one and then work together on the honor system to see how you do.

If your sister says no, go for it anyway and keep her in the loop. E-mail her with your progress, including the triumphs and difficulties. Be mindful not to brag. Instead, celebrate little victories and admit defeats. Continue to invite her to join you. Remind her that you love her and want both of you to be healthy.