Keeping it all together while dad’s in slammer

Dear Harriette: My boyfriend just went to jail for six months for a petty crime. I don’t condone what he did. I even think it’s right that he has to do time. Meanwhile, though, I’m trying to figure out what to do next. We have a child and a home together. My guy has a decent job, and I talked to his boss who agreed to take him back when he gets out. What can I do to make sure that he stays focused on our family? I don’t want to give up on him. He made a mistake, but it’s not so bad that I need to walk away. How should I handle this? — Keesha, Detroit, Mich.

Dear Keesha: You need to have a frank and loving talk with your boyfriend. Talk to him about the future. Map out six months, one day at a time. Suggest that the two of you track the time daily with key activities that occur on specific days. Set goals together that will help you to stay connected and focused on the future. Make frequent calls and visits, if you can. Include your child if at all possible. Your boyfriend will need reminders of the loving family he is waiting to reconnect with. Your job, whether you like it or not, is to kindle your connection.

Being in jail is tough. He needs to know — with complete certainty — that you are there for him; that you love and support him with conditions that require him to reach for the best now and in the future. He has to know this. It will motivate him and you to stay a family during this unspeakable period of separation. If you can get counseling, go for it. Once he comes home, there is more challenge guaranteed in your future. Shore up your emotions and clarity so you can support the transition back home when the six months have passed.

Dear Harriette: My grandmother is really sick, even though she doesn’t say so. She has lost a lot of weight and is pretty weak every time I talk to her on the phone. My sister has called me a couple of times to remind me to check up on her. I have been trying to get time off to visit. My job doesn’t want to give me extra time off. To go with my family is too expensive. So I’m stuck here not visiting her. I will go crazy if she dies before I get to see her. What can I do? — Mark, Columbia, Md.

Dear Mark: Listen to your gut. You need to get on a plane as quickly as possible so you can see your grandmother now, and hopefully another time or three before she’s gone. You will feel so sad if you don’t make the effort and she dies. Go by yourself immediately. Assess her health, and figure out how soon you need to come back.