Yep, plenty worthy of a 2008 Budnick
Greetings, my snow-weary minions!
It’s that time again. Time to hold off on ringing in the new until we wring out the dubious achievements of old.
Welcome to the 21st airing of the Budnick Awards.
The annual Budnicks will once again attempt to subjectively and sophomorically recognize the area’s stellar strange news of the past dozen months.
Lest we forget, these awards are named in honor of Thomas P. Budnick. He is the former Massachusetts social worker who gained a measure of national fame after I wrote about the martian mining claims he was filing through Spokane County.
Seems we were the only ones greedy enough to take this eccentric soul’s money.
Speaking of Budnick … Tom sent me a card last spring that read: “For a Special Friend at Easter.”
The stamp he stuck on the yellow envelope depicted a “Star Wars” light-saber battle. And inside the card he mistakenly typed his name “Tom Budick.”
Honestly. You can’t make this stuff up.
Virtual Verner busier than real Verner
Spokane Mayor Mary Verner wants to know who sent a fake Mary Verner text message about the Spokane Shock football team to subscribers of the popular Web service Twitter.
Next up: The Hagadone Ego Center
Coeur d’Alene business mogul Duane Hagadone scraps plans to put a floating helicopter landing pad outside his Casco Bay home on Lake Coeur d’Alene.
How do we spell choke? C-O-U-G
Washington State’s 66-3 loss at home to California is the worst football annihilation in Wazzu history.
Obama’s call for change goes too far
The campaign button was supposed to show Barack Obama standing next to Idaho U.S. Senate candidate Larry LaRocco. Because of a printing error, alas, the LaRocco image is replaced by a grinning Larry “The Toe-Tapper” Craig.
It’s a one-stop dropping mall
Some oldsters at Coeur d’Alene’s Lake City Senior Center complain that the funeral home going in across the street is too close for comfort.
They turned him into rhesus pieces
Public health officials, wanting a rabies test, ignore protesters and put down Chico, the pet macaque monkey who escaped his South Hill home and bit three people.
They were just perfecting the crawl
The public pool at Holmberg Park in north Spokane County closes two weeks early when nearly half the teen lifeguards are busted for allegedly hosting a poolhouse beer bash.
Ah, the refreshing taste of Squirt
Disgruntled workers are blamed for urine found in the ice machine of a Hayden senior-living center.
Eddie uses his frequent flee-er miles
Spokane’s No. 1 serial criminal, Eddie Ray Hall, hops the fence at a Yakima County lockup and makes a spirited run for freedom.
Meth was secret Santa cellmate present
Eddie Ray Hall’s desperate run for freedom is cut short after several days when cops find the 44-year-old felon in a car outside a minimart with meth in his backpack.
He’s not Rambo. He’s Dumbo!
West Valley High School is locked down and police are summoned after a 14-year-old freshman accidentally drops the fake grenade that he bought at a military surplus store along with a gas mask and a helmet.
Kevin gets his Coe-mitment papers
South Hill Rapist Kevin Coe, while testifying at his civil commitment trial, puts his odds of committing another rape at “zero.” The jury doesn’t buy it and sends Coe to a state commitment center.
Next time count the rings around her ankles
A bouncer at an Olympia bar turns away Washington’s 61-year-old Gov. Chris Gregoire when she can’t produce ID proving she’s over 21.
Dummkopf creates a fuehrer
A Washington State University student slips swastika cards into 100 or more copies of the student newspaper, supposedly as an art class assignment.
Well, surprise, surprise
Idaho ties for last place in the nation for education quality.
The ice men cometh unglued
After capturing the Memorial Cup, the post-game ceremony goes awry for the Spokane Chiefs when the top of the hockey trophy comes off and the cup falls onto the ice in several pieces.
Satan has condo in Spokane underbelly
Shoppers are shocked when an underground electrical explosion pops the covers off manholes and belches up a thick plume of smoke outside River Park Square.
We’ve got a lot of council crackpots, too
The year 2008 proves to be one of the worst for potholes, claims Spokane City Councilman Bob Apple.
That’s one full-deal McMaggots meal
Some 50,000 pounds of potentially tainted beef is recalled from Spokane-area school cafeterias and buried in the North Side Landfill.
They should just call AAA like I do
Eastern Washington University will spend $100,000 changing the locks on 3,500 dorm rooms and campus apartments because a maintenance worker misplaced a master key.
I feel pretty … oh, so pretteeeee
Garth Flaherty is given a 45-day sentence after pleading guilty to stealing 1,613 pairs of panties, bras and women’s underwear from Pullman laundry rooms.
It’s either Methamucil or PCPoo
Police warn that a batch of tainted drugs showing up in Spokane may cause disoriented users to strip naked and defecate in public without any recollection of what they’ve done.
He can keep his doctorate in deceit
Former U.S. Marshal David F. Brodhagen is given probation, community service and a fine for lying on a federal job promotion form after buying a phony college degree from a Spokane-based diploma mill.
They don’t call it dope for nothing
Deputies say Calvin Robinson spent $100 on a color printer so he could make enough bogus tens to buy $90 worth of weed. The 19-year-old set up his counterfeiting operation in a River Park Square restroom.
‘My felony has a first name …’
A young graffiti vandal disappears after tagging the famed Oscar Mayer Wienermobile while it was parked outside a Coeur d’Alene hotel.
He was delivering the gift of ganja
A Spokane Valley UPS worker is arrested for giving home-baked marijuana brownies to co-workers.
Put a muzzle on this rabid mutt
Rep. John Ahern, R-Spokane, stuns a legislative hearing by wondering what would prevent a person from registering as a domestic partner with a dog.
Hard and soft water will be tip-off
Post Falls officials say they aren’t sure whether the 130,000 gallons of raw sewage that spilled from the city’s wastewater system will seep into the region’s drinking water.
How sweet. A double-handcuff ceremony
Kevin Harper and Desirea Everts – known by the law as “Bonnie and Clyde” – are busted just a few freeway exits shy of their destination: the Hitching Post wedding chapel.
Name change to Hoochfest in works
Law enforcers say Spokane’s Hoopfest – the world’s largest 3-on-3 basketball tournament – is second in the state when it comes to DUI-producing public events.
Sums up the winter of ’08, huh?
First Night Spokane’s snowboard rail jam is canceled because of too much snow.