Financial crisis brings embarrassment shame

Dear Harriette: I have fallen behind in my bills. This is probably the worst it has been in years. I feel like hiding from all my creditors. I know that won’t work. My friends keep inviting me out for drinks or dinner, but I don’t have any extra money, and my credit cards are all frozen. What can I do? What should I say to my friends? I am so embarrassed I could just die. — Elsie, Memphis, Tenn.

Dear Elsie: Claim the value of your life, and recognize that, even as you are in a terrible mess, you have an opportunity to climb out of your hole. Start by writing down every bill you have and how much you owe. Compare in writing that number to your income from all sources.

Try to figure out how you can give a little to each creditor at least to maintain your standing as paying on time. If that’s possible, it will buy you some time before you lose footing on your credit report. If you’ve already passed that time, it’s OK. Reach out to your creditors. Tell them the truth about your finances very specifically, and ask for leniency.

Invite your creditors to work with you to establish an affordable payment plan. Do not inflate your income, as whatever you agree to fulfill, you need to be able to manage. Stop thinking you have more money than you do. Changing your thinking may be the most difficult part of this lifesaving exercise.

Be honest with your friends. State that you are in debt and can’t afford to hang out right now, that you care for them the same but can’t do the same things with them at this time. Consider inviting friends to your home for an affordable friend date. Don’t isolate yourself. Surround yourself with positive, honest people. You can lift each other up as you are striving to reach firmer financial footing.

Dear Harriette: I told my “best” friend that I have started to exercise again because I really want to be healthier this year, and she laughed at me. No kidding. I was spilling my guts to her about what I intend to do to lose weight and get back on track, and she didn’t believe me. She laughed! I was so hurt. This is a woman I have been able to tell any and everything. Not true anymore! I feel as if I have lost my confidante. I know that I haven’t always lived up to my goal for weight loss, but I am trying now. I’ve tried before, too. Would a real friend be so cruel? — Eloise, Atlanta, Ga.

Dear Eloise: Your friend was unkind. Tell her she hurt your feelings, and tell her you need her support. Explain that you are serious about your health and need all the inspiration you can get. Don’t rely on her, though. Find a buddy who will exercise with you. You need someone who will keep you motivated.