Conflict rears ugly head in tough times

‘There was no price on the chair, so I tried to get one from someone who worked there. Finally, they arrived at a price, so I took the chair to the cash register. Well, the cashier said they could not sell the chair for that price. I got mad. We were shouting at each other, my kids were crying. Finally, I just walked out of the store. I want the company to sell me that chair for the price they quoted, $12, and give me certificates for two Happy Meals at McDonald’s for making my kids so upset.”

“I took my car to a mechanic to get a tune-up. After picking it up and driving it home, I thought something was still wrong, so I stopped and had it checked at a tire shop close to my house. They checked the brakes and found a big problem. I want that business shut down and the mechanic put in jail for attempted murder!”

No, we can’t make this stuff up, and we really don’t need to. Something is happening out there that is, in some cases, making our job at the Better Business Bureau difficult, and in most other cases, making doing business more challenging.

Before the economy faltered, customers with complaints were:

•Open to suggestions about paths to resolution.

•Open to creative problem-solving.

•More aware of possibilities.

•In spite of disagreement, knowledgeable of the fact that there are two sides to every story.

•Bargaining with the end in mind – resolution.

Amid the economic decline, customers are:

•Seeking a pound of flesh.

•Closed-minded and divisive.

•Impatient and demanding.

•Focused on just one solution: theirs.

•Only allowing themselves to see obstacles and monsters at every turn.

The BBB has always had to deal with unreasonable complainers, but it seems that lately most cases bring “unreasonable” to the forefront. Name calling, threats of bodily harm and calls for arrest or firearms come into the process way too often and early. There is more of a “you owe me” mentality: “I deserve what I want and you’ll give it to me, despite what I may or may not have done to derail the project. And I have no intention of paying for it, either!”

This type of interaction is exhausting. Business people, customer service staffers, retail professionals, even dispute resolution teams at the BBB look wiped out. Even those who request help are so worked up, they get in the way of any resolution.

Other possible reasons for this dynamic:

•People are on shaky economic ground, which erodes confidence.

•Many feel little control over what is happening around them.

•Lots of people are at their “last straw” and are easily set into a tailspin.

•A fear of speaking out about other parts of their lives makes them project their frustration outward.

•Intensity, both positive and negative, is amped up.

Many of the factors causing this behavior are out of our control. All I can offer is ways to limit abusiveness and quickly bring reality into a situation. Further advice on handling unreasonable intensity:

•Let people vent, for you have no idea what other problems they have in life.

•Overcommunicate from the beginning, for it may head a problem off at the pass.

•Truly listen to people.

•Be sure frontline staff is supported and well cared for; they feel the brunt of it.

•If you fall short, realize and admit it, and offer a solution before things get out of hand.

Call on a third party to settle things down. It is akin to a smoldering fire: You cannot detect the red embers until you toss on that thimble of gas.

Attitudes can be rough out there. Take time to give extra thanks, smile at that server, or simply say something nice. It could make all the difference.