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Saturday, September 21, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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News >  Spokane

When it comes to cop shenanigans, answers often lacking

There’s been so much crazy cop news around here lately that it’s hard to keep track of the mayhem.

So I designed today’s helpful quiz as a way to test your knowledge of local law enfarcement.

So circle your answers to the questions below. Then clip your test and mail it for evaluation to: “You Call This Serving The Public?” in care of the Spokane Public Safety Building, 1100 W. Mallon Ave., Spokane WA, 99260.

1. Sheriff’s deputy Darin Schaum is the (__th) off-duty Spokane law enforcer embroiled in a drunk driving beef.

A. Fourth.

B. Forty-seventh.

C. Man, I stopped counting after that boozed-up idiot Jay Olsen shot the unarmed civilian in the head.

2. Deputy Schaum may get his driver’s license suspended for a year because he …

A. Refused a breathalyzer test.

B. Showed telltale signs of intoxication.

C. Jumped on top of his Dodge pickup and sang the Miranda warning.

3. The good news about Deputy Schaum’s arrest is …

A. At least he wasn’t in uniform.

B. At least his license tabs weren’t expired.

C. At least no power poles were slain unlike the last stewed cop clown.

4. While giving his first report to the City Council, Spokane’s new police ombudsman Tim Burns …

A. Labeled 18 police investigations “timely, thorough and objective.”

B. Released data about his first few months on the job.

C. Shocked council members who had forgotten we had an ombudsman.

5. Spokane police Officer Karl Thompson failed to get a federal charge of lying to investigators dismissed regarding the fatal confrontation with Otto Zehm. Thompson argued through his lawyer in U.S. District Court that he …

A. Never swore to tell the truth during an interview with detectives.

B. Never tried to create a false record.

C. Only tells the truth on alternate Thursdays.

6. Other revelations coming out of the federal Otto Zehm probe show …

A. Evidence of a police cover-up.

B. Potential obstruction of justice.

C. You can’t tell the lying cops apart without an official program.

7. So many local law enforcers have been involved in alcohol-related driving incidents that patrol cars soon will be equipped with …

A. Breathalyzer-controlled ignition locks.

B. “Drive Hammered – Get Nailed” bumper stickers.

C. Bulletproof wet bars.

8. The Spokane Police Guild’s recent no-confidence vote on Chief Anne Kirkpatrick was …

A. Designed to show the guild’s lack of trust in the chief.

B. An indicator of low police morale.

C. As credible as Michael Vick complaining about the Humane Society.

9. Police Guild leaders didn’t reveal their no-confidence vote tally because …

A. The results were embarrassingly close.

B. It’s nobody’s business.

C. The vote was more rigged than an Iranian election.

10. Chief Kirkpatrick called the Police Guild’s no-confidence vote …

A. A “failed coup.”

B. “Suspicious in its timing.”

C. “A tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or

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