We’re near normal, and that’s OK

I couldn’t help but notice the shocking letter that appeared on our Opinion page Friday.

The writers, Kevin and Julie Hall, expressed their disappointment in what they saw during a recent trek through Riverfront Park.

“We were surprised and amazed at the sad state of disrepair it is in – from railings that need to be repaired and painted, to unkempt walkways, litter, graffiti as well as overgrown weeds (some are on the noxious list).”

Then the Halls really smacked the nail on the flat end.

“Spokane may be near nature,” they wrote, “but it is far from being near perfect.”

I can’t thank the Halls enough for bringing this deplorable situation to light. It’s obvious what has to be done.

We must change that inane and misleading “near-this” and “near-that” slogan, and pronto.

What? You thought I was going to rant about how Riverfront Park is Spokane’s crown jewel? And that it would be an atrocity to let it slide into a state of decay?

Dream on. We don’t have any money for frills like that.

Hello. If you didn’t know, this burg is in a financial pothole.

The only time the mayor makes news any more is to announce another budget cut. Spokane is bleeding like a Jack the Ripper victim.

This is an emergency. We need to adopt a new slogan that is more in line with our red-ink reality.

Now I realize that a group of well-intentioned stuffed shirts wasted hours of their valuable time coming up with that ridiculous near nature nonsense.

(I’ve never run into one average Spokane citizen who thought it was worth a thimble of dog slobber.)

But the good news is that we don’t have to form another dim-bulb committee or hire some overpriced ad agency.

Local citizen Mark Golden has already come up with the perfect civic catchphrase.

“Spokane is OK.”

(With a cute little red heart dotting the “i”.)

Genius.

It reminds me of “I (heart) New York,” only not as ostentatious.

Let’s face it. Spokane will never be the Yankees.

But on the plus side, we’re not the moldering Mariners, either.

“No matter what we do. No matter how spiffy we get. We’re not gonna impress Seattle anyway,” observed Golden, a local sign maker, graphic artist and hobbyist writer.

Sad but true, pal.

I became aware of Golden’s brainstorm the other day when I made a rare appearance at work. Golden had brought me a T-shirt imprinted with his new slogan, and it was waiting on my desk.

Golden told me his shirts will soon be for sale downtown at Boo Radley’s and at the Great Harvest Bread Co. on the South Hill.

You also can let Golden know you want one by e-mailing him at mgolden325@msn.com.

But there’s a lot more at stake here than hawking T-shirts.

This is about restoring my beloved hometown’s regular Joe reputation.

As I’ve said many times before, overachieving is overrated. There’s nothing at all shameful with setting the bar low enough so you can get over it.

Set the bar too high and you’ll only bonk your head and disappoint yourself.

Take The Spokesman-Review, for example.

Years ago we had a perfectly fine sales campaign going. Our motto was “Good Paper.”

Not “Great Paper.” Not “Poor Paper.”

Just “Good Paper.”

During this time the newspaper was wider and plump with advertising. The newsroom was a bustling busy beehive, too.

Then we changed our sales campaign to “Wake Up and Read It,” which to me has always sounded like a scary order.

So what happened?

The newspaper shrunk to our present skinnier, “fortune cookie” edition, and everything else went to hell. If only the powers that be would have listened to me.

I don’t want to brag, but nobody knows more about philosophy of low achievement than yours truly.

The farthest I’ll ever extend my reach is to grasp onto a warm maple bar at Donut Parade.

The point is that I know a winner of an idea when I see it.

Spokane is OK.

Thank you, Mark. I’m feeling better already.