Vocal Point: A simple smile can help support grieving parent

On Dec. 4, 2009, my husband and I lost our 16-year-old daughter, Kaylene.

In the last year, I have often been in public and seen people I considered friends, just to watch them look me in the eyes, turn their backs and walk away. I understand they may not know what to say. But a simple “Hello” would show their support.

There are other grieving parents in this community. Before you let them go unnoticed, please extend a hand, a smile, a simple “Hello.” Or if you are feeling generous, “is there anything I can do for you?”

For you that have used the phrase “Get over it!” there is no getting over it. We lost the most important thing a parent can lose – a child. I know people mean well when they say we need to move on or get on with our lives, or “I wish you could be your old self.” However, we will never be who we were before the loss of Kaylene. I know I am a kinder, more considerate person. I do not laugh as quickly as I used to. The drop of Kaylene’s name brings me to tears, sometimes happy and sometimes sad, although friends can make all the difference.

Any parent who has lost a child exists daily to the best of their ability. They “never get over it!” They push through it.

The next time you find yourself wanting to walk away from an awkward conversation with someone who has lost a loved one, before you turn your back, at the very least throw them a simple gesture of a smile. That smile can be more support than you realize.

For those of you who may be suffering from your own loss, I hope this article may help those around you understand your loss a little better. My heart goes out to you.