Ammi Midstokke: When your fitter friends invite you outdoors
Every summer, my greatest fear is that my friend Christi will ask me to go on an adventure with her. Regardless of how much I have trained or how many mountains I have scaled, heading into the woods with Christi is intimidating.
We all know those people: The ones whose state of fitness far exceeds our own – whether because we’ve been training on the sofa with a bag of potato chips or they are childless wonders of athleticism and free time. They are at once both inspiring and intimidating.
They are also great for pushing us beyond our comfort zones and into an area I refer to as “I wouldn’t be doing this if I hadn’t already overcommitted myself.”
This, of course, is not to be confused with overestimating your skill or fitness level. Here, we must always be candidly honest with ourselves and our adventure partners to ensure safety. There is a clear line between physical discomfort and fear for one’s life, although I occasionally find myself muddling the two.
Regardless of the fact that I could never actually keep up with Christi (she is the kind of athlete you can call on Friday to jump into a 100-mile mountain run on Saturday), getting out with her helps me explore different kinds of physical and mental limits.
It also teaches me how to keep a positive attitude despite suffering – and how to pace myself so that I can suffer at a comparable rate all the way back to my car. And also, how to set limits so that I can enjoy myself at the same time. Because we never want to be that petulant pouty person that ruins the trip. Those people are best left as bear bait.
Over the years when I have invited people to run, ride, climb, etc. I often hear, “I can’t keep up with you,” or “I’m not as extreme as you.” The reality is that we invite people along for a shared experience, not a race, not proof that we’re currently the more avid outdoorsperson.
When Christi used to ask me to do things, I would hear myself make the same qualifications. I would explain all the things I had not been doing rather than what I had been doing. That language is one of defeat and fear rather than curiosity and challenge.
When we are intimidated by doing things outdoors with people, we must have a different conversation with ourselves and our friends. We can create safe boundaries by choosing trips we are comfortable with or researching more about what to expect. We can explain our pace or fitness level as a reality, not a shame.
There is no place for pride here either. Ask the questions and don’t be afraid to appear uninformed. How much water should I bring? How much food did you bring? Are you carrying an extra layer? How many hours will we be out?
And my personal favorite: How much farther to the top? I ask this one right about the time I start feeling gassed so I can slow down or push through accordingly. I might sound like an eight-year-old, but it’s a valid question. Though I think grown ups are only allowed to ask once.
The more comfortable – and thus happier – you are out there with your friends, the better the experience for everyone. And that is what going outside with your people is all about. It’s not winning or proving yourself on a Sunday trek, but laughing and breathing and taking in the same beautiful views.
Now I call Christi myself and tell her it’s time for our annual summer adventures. I know she can go harder and faster ,but I also know she won’t. I know that I can push myself as hard as I want to and she’ll be right there with me – probably not even sweating.
At the top, we’ve reached the same joyful summit, solved a few interpersonal and work-related problems, and definitely improved my health along the way.
Just like that, we’ve gone from intimidation to motivation. Call your fittest friend. Ask them to go play.