John Oliver finally has a koala chlamydia ward named after him – thanks to Russell Crowe

During the final segment of his weekly HBO talk show Sunday, John Oliver pulled a large red envelope from under his desk.

“Back when this show started, I wrote down my one and only goal for it, and I put it in this envelope. It was a simple goal. It was just three words long,” Oliver said. “That goal? A koala chlamydia ward.”

He pulled out a sheet of paper, and scrawled on it in black pen in all caps was indeed “KOALA CHLAMYDIA WARD.”

“So what I’m essentially saying here is we have accomplished everything we set out to do on this show, which means, thanks very much everyone, but we are … done here,” he said. “That’s right. Let’s shut it down. This show is over.”

He then pulled out a Bankers Box and began filling it with novelty items from previous episodes, such as the oversize Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup mug he used to mock Federal Communications Commission Chairman Ajit Pai and a Bud Light Lime that he chugged when Sepp Blatter resigned as the president of FIFA, soccer’s international governing body.

“Please, please, don’t think of this as a sad occasion,” Oliver said. “Because I leave you in total triumph at this point. I do hope you enjoyed ‘Last Week Tonight.’ ”

So, wait – is the show really over?

No, of course not.

Okay, then what’s this all about?

Well, a few weeks ago Oliver and his team purchased several of the 227 items that Russell Crowe sold at his controversial “The Art of Divorce” auction at Sotheby’s Australia in Sydney, which featured items he accumulated during his marriage to Danielle Spencer. These items included a $7,000 leather jockstrap that he wore in “Cinderella Man,” gym shorts and a satin robe also from “Cinderella Man,” a hood the actor wore in “Robin Hood,” and a vest he donned for “Les Miserables.”

Oliver proceeded to offer them to a Blockbuster video store in Alaska, one of the last in the world, in hopes of transforming it into a tourist destination.

The last we heard of this plan came in mid-April, when Oliver addressed “the manager of the only remaining Blockbuster in Anchorage,” saying, “Just call us in the next 48 hours, and we will send it to you.”

Until now.

As it turns out, the manager did indeed call the show in time, and those items (including the jock strap) are on display there.

Crowe, seeing the segment in April, tweeted this: “I think this is such a wonderful random act of kindness that I am planning now on how to best use the @iamjohnoliver money he spent on groin protectors and such. Given his often shown genuine love for Australians and Australia, it’s got to be something special.”

(This confused Oliver, who, as he pointed out Sunday, has never shown “genuine love” for Australia. “At most, I’ve shown morbid curiosity for it. You know, the way a 9-year-old pokes a dead frog with a stick,” he said. “I’m endlessly fascinated and grossed out at the exact same time.”)

Crowe thought about it for much of that day, then later tweeted: “I’ve had a eureka moment on how to use @iamjohnoliver from @LastWeekTonight auction money. His random act of kindness is going to be honoured in such a cool way. Yes, no surprise, it will involve wildlife.”

And, boy, does it involve wildlife.

On Wednesday, days before Oliver’s fake final show, Crowe tweeted a video featuring dramatic music and photos of sickly koalas with the caption “Great news for Koala everywhere.” It features the family of Steve Irwin, the late Australian conservationist and “Crocodile Hunter” host, who own the Australia Zoo Wildlife Hospital.

“Koalas, right now, are suffering a disease called chlamydia,” Terri Irwin, Steve’s widow, says of the common sexually transmitted disease. “It can cause blindness, infertility, even cost a koala its life.”

Luckily, the hospital is trying out a new vaccine, she says.

“So thank you so much to Russell Crowe for your amazing donation to help these koalas,” daughter Bindi Irwin says. “Thanks to your auction, you’re now saving literally thousands of koala lives.”

The kicker comes when son Robert Irwin speaks: “And a big thank you to John Oliver, for buying some of Russell’s incredible things in his auction. You are helping for the fight for chlamydia, and a plaque has been organized in your honor. Check it out.”

The camera indeed pans to a plaque that reads, “The John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Ward.”

Fast-forward to Sunday night.

“This is real,” Oliver said. “I have so many questions! I guess the first one would have to be, ‘How did all those koalas get chlamydia?!’ ”

“Well played, Russell Crowe,” Oliver continued. “Well played, indeed. That might honestly be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.”

That’s when he pulled out the red envelope and announced that the show had achieved its goal.

“I know you might be asking by this point, ‘But John, wasn’t making four and a half seasons of aggressively researched comedy a fairly inefficient way of getting a koala chlamydia ward named after you?’ ” he said. “And to that I answer, ‘Well, I mean it worked.’ ”

Then he offered his parting words:

“So if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with some very contagious koalas. That is our series. Thank you so much for watching. Goodbye forever, everyone. I regret nothing. I regret nothing. My work here is done.”