Miss Manners 12/7

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it right that my niece insists on “no masks” at her wedding? She even has a friend watching for masks as people enter the church!!!

GENTLE READER: Only if she has friends who are so eager to see her married that they are willing to risk their health.

Miss Manners hopes that prospective guests will be notified in advance so that they need not dress up, complete with what is now considered a conventional accessory, only to be turned away at the door.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Each year, I host my women friends at an open house holiday party in my home. Most of us are in our 60s or older and are understandably cautious about inside gatheringsthese days.

I can seat five or six ladies at the proper distance inside my living room, and if we are fortunate to have nice enough weather, I can seat a slightly larger number outside. Would it be terribly tacky to go ahead with my plans but send a sign-up sheet and have the ladies indicate the time they plan to come so that I won’t go over the limit? Or should I just give up my plans until things are hopefully better in 2021?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners would be sorry to have you give up, what if your friends aren’t all polite enough to respond immediately? Are you really going to tell some that they didn’t still make the cut?

Fortunately, there is precedent for staggering the arrival of guests at an open house, which, in normal times, might include a great many more people. For example, some invitations would say “2 to 4,” and some “4 to 6,” or even “5 to 7” if you think the early people might stick around too long.

As yours will be small parties for close friends, and they will understand the necessity for keeping the gatherings small, you could be flexible about allowing them to change time slots.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As usual, I am receiving a few Christmas cards that are coming custom-printed with such sentiments as “Merry Christmas from The Johnson Family,” or “Happy Holidays from The Andersons” instead of being hand-signed.

While I have always found these cards to be somewhat impersonal, I am willing to accept the notion that some people feel a custom-printed card is “classy.” and I am especially willing to excuse them if they’ve taken the time to hand-address the envelope.

The straw that breaks my back is when the cards come from people who use a computer to create address labels, which is, to me, the height of impersonal.

I am writing for your permission to feel slightly insulted when I receive a card from someone whose annual Christmas-card-sendingritual doesn’t even include picking up a pen.

GENTLE READER: Permission denied. But if you want to reverse this, Miss Manners will approve. She admires a prettily hand-addressed envelope as much as anyone, but there is nothing classy about withholding a personal touch, and the place for that is in the card itself.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.