Couch Slouch: NBA has gone nuts over 3-pointers
As is our annual tradition at the NBA all-star break, Couch Slouch looks ahead to the remainder of the season – laced with remarkable perspicacity* – at no additional cost to you, the reader.
Yes, I will provide the acumen of subscription-based The Athletic and the access of pricey NBA League Pass…ALL FOR FREE.
Let’s do it!
It used to be, “NBA Action, It’s FANtastic.” Now it’s, “NBA Action, Bombs Away!” For much of NBA history, a basket was worth two points. In 1979, they decided that some baskets – from longer distances – would be three points. Then more recently, some analytic smart alecks figured out that 3-point baskets were worth one more point than 2-point baskets, so let’s just make 3-point baskets.
The game has changed.
The Milwaukee Bucks’ 7-foot center, Brook Lopez, has taken more 3-point shots this season (242) than 2-point shots (234). The Dallas Mavericks’ Kristaps Porzingis, at 7-foot-3, is the tallest man on the floor, yet he has taken almost as many 3-pointers (277) as 2-pointers (362).
We have evolved from those Pistons’-Bad-Boys, Pat-Riley-with-the-Knicks 88-85 slugfests of the late 1980s and early ’90s to the current-day 128-126 playground skirmishes. The games have gone from rugby matches to the Ice Capades.
The fast-break layup has morphed into the fast-break 23-footer.
There is feasibly a middle ground between 88-85 and 128-126; I don’t know what that exact number would be, but I always vote for the middle ground.
Three cheers for Ben Simmons, the three-ball contrarian. The multi-skilled Philadelphia 76ers’ point guard will not do what everyone wants him to do – take 3-point shots. You know how some kids have a mental block about math? Simmons has a mental block about 3-pointers.
In his first two NBA seasons, Simmons did not make a 3-pointer, attempting only 17 of them. This season he is 2 for 6 from beyond the arc.
You be you, Ben, two points at a time.
I stand with Simmons: Years ago, newspaper editors insisted I write longer articles with bigger words. No way, I told them – I write short and I use one-syllable words. And I’m still here.
(* “Perspicacity” is a rare exception.)
If it were up to Gregg Popovich, no one would ever take a 25-foot shot. One of the NBA’s greatest coaches ever and one of the most severe critics of 3-ball, Popovich is in danger of having two remarkable streaks end: In 22 full seasons of helming the San Antonio Spurs, he has never had a losing record and never missed the postseason.
“I’ve hated the 3 for 20 years,” Popovich said in 2018. At the moment the Spurs are 28thout of 30 NBA teams in 3-point shots made and 29thin 3-pointers attempted.
The Spurs are 23-31 – five games out of a playoff spot – and their best chance might be to petition the league for transfer into the Eastern Conference.
As usual, the Eastern Conference should be quarantined. The 19-38 Detroit Pistons have a better chance of making the East playoffs than the 33-22 Oklahoma Thunder and 33-22 Dallas Mavericks have of earning home-court advantage in the West playoffs.
Then again, the Pistons also have a better chance of making the playoffs than Ben Simmons does of ever making another 3-point shot.
The Golden State Warriors have gone from penthouse to outhouse, three points at a time. Many folks – I am not among them – are delighted that the Warriors, after five straight NBA Finals appearances with consecutive seasons of 67-15, 73-9, 67-15, 58-24 and 57-25, currently have an NBA-worst 12-43 record.
Enjoy it while you can.
Next season, aside from a core of young talent and the likely No. 1 overall pick in the draft, the Warriors will also have all-star Draymond Green, plus the return of the NBA’s greatest 3-point-shooting backcourt ever, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson.
Zion Williamson is the real deal. But he’s only taking one 3-pointer per game. Do the math, son: 3 > 2.
Ask The Slouch
Special Houston Astros Edition (Again)
Q. Is it true that Astros owner Jim Crane has hired Rudy Giuliani to visit Ukraine in search of proof that Hunter Biden was the mastermind behind the sign-stealing fiasco? (Rick LaDuca; Ashburn, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. If the Astros ever hire Bill Belichick and Tom Brady as manager and starting pitcher, respectively, will Rob Manfred preemptively suspend them as repeat cheaters? (Tom Walker; Colonie, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. When MLB adds trash cans to its merchandise list, will they only be available with the Astros logo or will they include all teams with former Astros players/coaches? (David Roberts; Fairfax, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. How much trouble is Carlos Beltran’s grandmother in for not providing proper guidance? (Ron Anderson; Lynnwood, Wash.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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