Dear Annie 7/4
Dear Annie: My husband has a long history of being unfaithful to me. He says that it isn’t cheating because he can’t help himself. I’ve forgiven him five times.
Recently, I discovered that he’s been going to a website where a girl talks to him on a webcam. In exchange for their virtual time together, he buys her jewelry, clothes and other presents.
He sends her photos from his own life: only he doesn’t mention his family.
I never usually pay attention to the phone bill, but this month I looked – and I found out he’d sent and received more than 17,000 text messages. He was exchanging texts with women he’d met on a dating site. He said that it isn’t cheating since he’s not having sex. But I think the emotional cheating is worse. I am at my wit’s end. Should I just divorce him and walk away? Please help. – Mrs. Undesirable
Dear Mrs.: I refuse to call you that “U” word because your husband’s behavior is no reflection on you. If anything, it shows that he has issues around his own desirability. Perhaps he’s so insecure he must constantly seek the validation of women he hardly knows – and/or he’s suffering from sex addiction. (You can learn more about that at https://saa-recovery.org.) However, the root of his problems is irrelevant if he’s not willing to seek a cure. If your husband shows no willingness to change his behavior, then leaving may indeed be the best course. Listen to your heart, and find out what it desires.
Dear Annie: I really need your insight. I have a male best friend. He’s been married a while now, but he’s said before as though he feels I’m really his wife. I think the world of him; I love our long conversations. And I notice that he never brings up his wife around me. What should I do? – Burning in North Carolina
Dear Burning: Stop, drop and roll on out of this man’s life so you can get on with your own. He is using you to avoid working on his marriage. And why would you want to be with a man who treats his wife that way? You deserve to be with someone who gives you his all, and I promise he is out there somewhere.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.