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When you are in a period of struggle, it can evoke rage and shame when someone tells you to “just be positive.”
Most mean well. Americans are a people that like to cheer one another up. And sure, it seems a given that a positive outlook would help the situation, maybe tremendously. But hardly is it that simple.
Some people have predominantly positive thoughts. Others have predominantly negative. Most humans fall somewhere in between. There is no inherent or absolute morality to it and these thoughts could stem from a variety of sources, some external, some internal, some chemical, some behavioral, possibly even spiritual. As it plays out in real time it seems to ultimately be a confluence of it all.
Positivity is not just magic, but this is good. This means most human beings have real potential to experience it, in a possibly sustainable and applicable way.
All this said, for those who suffer from chronic mental illness this concept of “positivity” may be more difficult and or impossible. Lifestyle tips are no substitute for professional therapy or professionally referred medication when they are needed, so with this in mind it is good to recognize tips like these will not work for exactly in the same way for every person, and for some they may not work at all. Just as no two people exist in the absolute same way. Listen to yourself and always seek help when needed, even if that means simple reaching out to a friend.
Just as it requires muscles in the face to make you smile and muscles in the stomach to chuckle, it often requires some energy and effort to think positively. That’s why the tips below can be thought of as exercises, because it means putting in a bit of work. Take it at your own pace. Remember small efforts are better than none, or as it goes, consistency is key. Here are a few ideas, strategies and tools that you can implement to help foster more positive thought.
Choose your focus. This means you have to be aware of your focus first. Before trying to change a thing, take notice of the thoughts and content that fill your day. Ask yourself how those things make you feel and most important, don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself. It still gets to be your secret if you want, but promise yourself honesty out of kindness and respect to yourself. That can be very hard at times, but the fun is what comes after.
Once you realize how your focus influences your day, your choices, energy level, and subsequent thoughts, it almost in itself makes you want to have more say in the matter. There may be something that takes up a lot of your focus because it is important to you, but in extreme doses it could be draining or take time away from something else that is also important to you. Maybe there are some things that make you happy or satisfied that would be beneficial to focus on more. It’s totally up to you. Listen to your intuition and if you try something and it doesn’t work, it’s OK to let it go and move on to focusing on something else.
Use gratitude as a tool. Think about or write down each day one thing you are grateful for. It may seem like an grade school Thanksgiving writing prompt at first, but intentionally taking a moment to think of something you are grateful for is a powerful way to influence even a small moment of your day. It often leads to a few other thoughts, like a snowball effect. Even if it is the same thing everyday, it still counts.
Self-talk. We all address our own person differently. What stories do you tell yourself? Do you tell yourself that you will fail, that you are not good enough, and that you will not succeed. Even if you believe that to be truth right now, is that self-talk making anything better for you? What could someone say to you that would make you feel confident right now? Say this to yourself, even if you don’t believe it. Your thoughts and feelings share many connections, so start to notice how your self-talk begins to notice the actions you take, small or large.
Have a laugh. Laughter is a powerful force. Not only should you seek out humor, but you should also allow yourself to be open to humor. Grant yourself permission to feel humor, no matter how high-brow or low, and also find it in moments of your day. This helps especially in difficult or embarrassing situations. Don’t write off your emotions about a situation, but also don’t be afraid to laugh it off when possible.
These are just a few to start, but they are free, simple and customizable. Start with your favorite, maybe try a few more to see how it goes. Balance your work with some rest and know that it will take some time.