Refining the blend: Family is happy with changes after ‘Supernanny’ visit

Months after “Supernanny” visits, parents Jeff Lawrence and Crystal Tobeck describe their blended family today as more relaxed – thanks to tips from child-rearing expert Jo Frost.

But as other parents might suspect, it’s still a work in progress daily to apply the advice, the couple said. Frost visited their Mead-area home in September to tape an episode of “Supernanny” on Lifetime that ran Feb. 21.

On the show, the couple seek help with a chaotic household and clashes between them and the children. Both have kids from prior relationships and a child together, Hudson Lawrence, 1.

Lawrence’s two kids are Keenan and Delanie Lawrence, ages 10 and 7. Tobeck’s are Mya and Jaxon Moug, ages 8 and 7.

“It was filmed the first week of school, so in September,” Tobeck said. “I’ve watched the show.”

Seeking harmony within the family, she had told her husband about how Frost could perhaps help them.

“I Googled her, and there was nothing on it, so I figured the show had ended,” she said. “Then like three weeks later, I saw an ad on Facebook. I reached out and applied. They called me back in about 40 minutes.

“I was wondering how bad I made our application sound because they called back right away.”

After spending time with the family, Frost helped the couple with strategies such as remaining calm when kids act out, being consistent in discipline and chores and listening to all sides in conflicts between children.

Frost also suggested that the parents step back some rather than micromanaging the children and to work on building bonds with each other’s kids through activities and alone time.

“I think we are still very much a work in progress, but it’s very much improved since she showed up,” Lawrence said.

Added Tobeck, “It’s kind of like retraining your brain because we were so stuck in our parenting ways that we’d done for five years straight. Now that she came, it’s putting those things in practice every day.

“I think the biggest takeaway for me is to say what you mean and mean what you say and just being consistent.

“The bonding is very important between Jeff’s kids and me and then vice versa, so we’re going to work on that. It’s busy, so we have to make time to do that.”

In listening to both kids’ sides, the couple agreed they’re getting better at that, but with five kids, usually some problem breaks out regularly.

Lawrence said what has helped him the most is to remember “to not react to every little thing that’s going on in the house, to take a step back.

“Be a fly on the wall and just watch what’s going on and then step in when you need to. That’s my biggest takeaway just because we always felt like we almost needed to hover around the kids to make sure everything was going right.”

As parents, they think the children have been excited about “Supernanny” and happy with the outcome. The family hosted a watch party with friends and neighbors when the show ran.

They expect to have another neighborhood lemonade stand by this summer.

“It has been a lot more relaxed,” Tobeck said. “I’m not near as uptight as I used to be because, like she said, there are things you’re going to see and things you’re going to miss. You cannot control everybody’s everything.”

The family’s own room monitor cameras remain taken down and removed. Tobeck described that they had previously thought of those as similar to baby monitors for safety.

“We took the cameras down,” she said. “I never realized before about the privacy; they weren’t surveillance cameras. We had used them for baby monitors, but we haven’t put them back.”

A chore chart that Frost helped the family create still hangs on a wall.

“We’ve added a couple chores,” Tobeck said. “Nanny thought that they weren’t old enough to clean the bathrooms, but Jeff and I disagree, so we put that back on. It works well.”

They said they’ve stuck to Frost’s discipline suggestions mainly to remove privileges if necessary. “We still do timeouts a little, but they don’t go to their bedrooms.”

The children go to their bedrooms to enjoy activities, rest or calm down. Tobeck said she appreciates Frost’s advice that she applied in a “Supernanny” scene when Mya was upset and yelled. Tobeck walked way while telling Mya that she was giving her time to calm down before talking again.

That’s helpful to remember as a parent when a child starts screaming, she said.

“Mya has a lot of those meltdowns, and it sends you through the roof because it is just out of nowhere, and it’s over something small,” Tobeck said.

“Jo was teaching us the difference between when it’s directed at you and when it’s just frustration and to be careful about when you’re disciplining to think about are you disciplining her because she was disrespectful to you directly or is it that she’s just frustrated and can’t appropriately express it?

“That’s been a huge one for me and a hard one to continue to remember as well because your first reaction is to react when they’re screaming at you.”

Lawrence said the family hasn’t sought any further help because they’re seeing improvement. The couple agreed that the “Supernanny” episode offers different tools for blended families to smooth relationships.

“I think for sure there’s definite hope,” Tobeck said. “Where you put in love is where you’re going to see the results. It’s been helpful for us. At the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can as parents. It takes a village.

“And it’s just TV, too. There is a lot more to our lives than the 60 minutes you see on the show.”