Dear Annie: I am 24 years old, and my boyfriend is 64. We have been in a relationship for five years. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a person: He’s smart, funny, intelligent, caring and handsome. When we first started dating, I assumed that he was divorced, and I never bothered to ask otherwise. But after we’d been dating for some time, he took me to a lake house one weekend and said that we were there so that he could finalize his divorce. Well, for one reason or another, the divorce never actually happened.
He and his wife have two grown children. I’m really not sure how to go forward with our relationship. I confronted him about not being divorced, and his excuse was he didn’t have enough time to go through all the steps of the divorce proceedings.
I feel so hurt. It’s so painful to be in love with someone whom I may or may not have to myself. When we first started dating, he would talk about how he wanted to marry me. But now things have changed. It’s been a shock to me. I didn’t even want marriage at first, because I was unsure if that’s what I wanted with him. But now to know that it’s probably never going to happen for us – I just can’t shake my feelings at all for him. We live together but sleep in separate rooms to avoid engaging in physical intimacy before marriage, yet I’m starting to think that day might never come. It breaks my heart deeply. I’m still happy with him at times, but there are other times where I’m just heartbroken. – Desperate for Advice
Dear Desperate: If he hasn’t left her after five years, he’s probably never going to leave her – and that’s just as well, for your sake. Why would you want to marry a man who clearly has such little respect for marriage?
I know that he must seem like the whole world to you right now, because you started dating him when you were just 19. But I promise you he’s not. Break it off and find someone who gives you love, not excuses.
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