Dear Annie 5/18

Dear Annie: I have great neighbors who have two daughters, ages 15 and 16. The 16-year-old has a 20-year-old boyfriend, and the 15-year-old has a live-in boyfriend who is also 15. The fact that he lives there is OK with his parents and hers.

I have walked by the room of the older girl more than once and seen her lying in bed with her boyfriend, under the covers, with the door half open. When this happens, I walk by and say hello, but I am uncomfortable as I do so. Her mother knows what they are doing.

The younger girl sleeps with her boyfriend, and the mother is aware of that and says, “It is what it is.” The girl and her boyfriend are both failing in school, and their mothers are aware of this but have not taken any steps to correct it. During the day, the two are left alone while the parents work. Meanwhile, the 16-year-old is doing terrific in school. The daughters both work – in fast food and retail.

I have no children, but I would think this is wrong and is going to ruin their lives down the road. Their father goes along because, if he objects, the mother always takes the kids’ side.

Both parents do not want drama, and giving in to the kids makes for no drama. I am just waiting to hear which one of them is going to get pregnant; the mother probably would be fine with that, but I do not think the father would be.

My wife and I are considered family and included at their family gatherings. Their relatives know what is going on and defend it. They say that the girls are kids and nothing will happen. I reply, “If you think so,” and they answer that I am old-fashioned. Am I? – Am I Old-Fashioned?

Dear Am I Old-Fashioned?: Having boundaries is essential for teenagers to develop maturity. These parents and relatives are acting like kids themselves. By any reasonable understanding, you are not old-fashioned. Your views reflect good parenting and common sense.

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