Dear Annie 11/8

Dear Annie: I am a 43-year-old woman who has had severe treatment for resistant bipolar depression, with psychotic features, my whole life.

At 10, I tried to hang myself. At 16, I attempted suicide with pills and alcohol and again at 25.

I am an only child, and my parents were all I had. I lived with them for a large part of my adult life because I was so sick. They were and are my everything.

My mother died seven years ago of brain cancer. My father died suddenly of COVID-19 18 months ago.

I am unable to work because of my illness, yet I keep getting denied disability because it is a mental health issue.

The family friends who were the executors of my father’s estate royally screwed up my trust fund and cost me tens of thousands of dollars on expenses they never gave me the price for.

Now I am in a very bad place. My health is bad because I self-medicate since meds don’t work. I’ve tried transcranial magnetic stimulation, electroconvulsive therapy and talk therapy. Nothing works.

I do not leave my bed. I have been suffering bone-crushing depression my whole life and can honestly say that my life has been a horror show because of the chemical imbalances in my brain keep me locked in a cycle of depression, mania and delusions.

I sincerely believe that suicide is the only answer. Everyone says it’s selfish, but I think they are the selfish ones for wanting to torture me just so they won’t miss me.

How can I express that, by guilting me into staying alive, they are putting me through unbearable hell? – Ready to Die

Dear Ready to Die: Suicide is not the answer. Please go to this site suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/. Please call (800) 273-8255.

Your father’s sudden death was a great shock to your system, and with professional help, you will be able to process the loss and move forward with less pain and depression.

You don’t want to die; you want the pain to die.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.