Miss Manners 10/4

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a part-time university professor, I have of late been receiving emails from students who use the closing salutations “Best” and “Best regards.” A bit of research reveals that many websites do recommend use of these terms by students.

Personally, I find these closings to be far too personal. They actually rankle me.

One way to find alternatives to such terms is to examine advice on writing to judges. After all, we as professors are, in effect, judging students’ mastery of a subject and assigning them a grade. You’d never sign a letter or an email to a judge using “Best” or “Best regards” or even “Regards.”

One would use “Respectfully,” or similar terms. I find “Respectfully” or “Respectfully yours” far preferable to “Best,” “All the best” or some such when writing to a professor.

Moreover, a simple “Thank you” at the end of an email in which a student is asking for a meeting, or to revisit an assignment, etc., seems quite sufficient to me, and does not verge across the line into overfamiliarity. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: It is true that “I remain your humble and obedient servant” was a bit cumbersome, and perhaps odd when writing to challenge the recipient to a duel.

Even among the few of us who have stayed with the more dignified “Sincerely yours” and “Yours truly” – of whom even fewer know that the first is for social correspondence and the second for business – the “yours” is often dropped from “sincerely.”

Miss Manners is always cautioning people not to take such conventions literally, as have those who substitute the cheeky “Hi!” to avoid addressing the unloved as “dear.” “Regards” which avoids protesting one’s sincerity or truthfulness, is perhaps a bit breezy for a superior, but she would not want to invite arguments about the amount of respect felt toward individual professors.

Still, she can’t help thinking “Best what?” when that word appears alone. Would it wear out those senders to add another word?

But your request for thanks is premature. The writer can express appreciation, but only in the conditional tense – “I would be very grateful if you would …” – in case you do not comply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you have your table linens professionally pressed, is it proper to leave the fold lines visible when setting the table, or do you have to press the folds out once it is on the table?

GENTLE READER: You will be relieved to hear that you need not iron the tablecloth while it is on the table, which would be hard on the wood. Miss Manners directs you to your nearest gallery of Renaissance art, where you will see those folds in paintings of the Last Supper.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who is the correct person to host a baby shower?

GENTLE READER: Not the baby, as that would look greedy, which is a poor reputation to acquire as one begins one’s life.

Although the same applies to the baby’s relatives, many are willing to risk it in the interests of furnishing the nursery without expense.

But you have asked what is correct. Miss Manners must tell you that showers are correctly given by friends – not by the person or the family being honored.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.