Dear Annie: I have a child with a woman who is 20 years younger than me. Having a child was not planned. I’m grateful for our child, but I’m not in love with her mother. I’ve tried to explain to her that I love her for the mother she is but that I’m not in love with her.
She found old letters in my closet from an ex that I was in love with over six years ago, and she wonders why I can’t love her the way I did my ex. I tried explaining to her that she isn’t my ex and what we have is completely different from that relationship.
Shortly after our daughter’s birth, things got rough between us, and she took my daughter and everything I’d bought for her. I did not get to see her for two months.
Through a lot of court and financial upsets, I finally got to see my daughter. We now live together, just so that I can see my daughter and know that she’s taken care of – but I’m still not in love with her mother, nor do I trust her.
How do you get someone to understand you’re not in love with them and it’s best to go our separate ways co-parenting our child than to live in a distrustful, jealousy-filled environment? Avoiding each other isn’t a healthy environment in which to raise our daughter. – Loving Father, Concerned for his Daughter’s Well-Being
Dear Loving Father: Everyone comes into our life for a reason. Some are meant to stay forever. Some are meant to teach us something. Some are meant to offer companionship or love or guidance.
You share a child with this woman, and that is something very special. But it doesn’t mean she is a good match as your life partner and vice versa. If she doesn’t understand that message, it’s best to speak with a couples therapist or mediator to help you two communicate.
And do let her know that although she is not the love of your life, she has given you something no one else can: your daughter.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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