Dear Annie 8/29
Dear Annie: My husband passed away a little more than 18 months ago. He was part of a family business, and he became disabled while he worked there. Eventually, he was fired by his twin brother. I’m not really sure why, other than the fact that his financial abilities had declined so much. He was making mistakes and costing the company money.
In the days following his death, I had asked his family for privacy. Since then, however, I haven’t heard from any of them. No one from the family has contacted me to see how I am doing. If I need anything, it is just to talk. There was no funeral or memorial – at my husband’s request. I am totally clueless as to why they’ve abandoned me. However, I managed to go on without their support (insert sarcasm here) and am doing pretty well.
My question is this: We are all “of an age.” What do I do when one of them passes? They are no longer family to me, but my husband spent his lifetime trying to be their “good brother,” and I’m sure he certainly wouldn’t approve if I ignored THEM in their time of sorrow. But I don’t want to participate in anything having to do with them. I’d like to send a card and maybe a floral arrangement and move on. How do I handle this when it inevitably happens? – Shut Out of Family
Dear Shut out of Family: I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. You asked your family for privacy, and they are giving it to you, and now you are upset that they didn’t reach out. If you want them to be in touch, then tell them that. If you are all “of an age,” why not reach out and see how they are doing?
They might think you abandoned them, but they will never know until you communicate your feelings to them. Don’t wait until it’s too late and make up a narrative about what you will do when one passes away. Just be kind now. You will be much happier about it, and you know that your late husband would applaud you being the bigger, more mature person by extending the olive branch first.
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