Special interest group: Cabbages and Kings
“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “To talk of many things: Of shoes – and ships – and sealing-wax – Of cabbages – and kings – And why the sea is boiling hot – And whether pigs have wings” – From “The Walrus and the Carpenter” by Lewis Carroll
For the men who gather at Michael D’s Eatery in Coeur d’Alene every other Wednesday, no topic is off limits – not even ocean temperature or flying swine.
Since 2012, they’ve met at various locales for breakfast, conversation and camaraderie.
“We began to call ourselves Cabbages and Kings because we talked about everything under the sun,” Allen Shriver said.
When Shriver, a farmer turned minister, retired and moved to the area from Missoula, he wanted to find a connection in his new community – the kind he saw growing up in Ursa, Illinois.
“There was a little restaurant that had a community table,” he said. “People would come and go all morning long. They’d sit and talk. I wanted to find a table like that.”
A mutual friend connected him with a couple of guys, and soon they added more.
“The three of us agreed to invite others to join with us, but only if they met one criterion – they had to be interesting,” Shriver said. “By 2018, we had grown, and because we wanted only one person talking at a time, we decided to limit ourselves to 14 members.”
During the COVID pandemic, they met by Zoom. When the pandemic waned, they decided to alternate their weekly gatherings between in-person and online meetings. This allows members who’ve left the area to continue to participate.
Longtime local attorney Harvey Richman was one of the original three.
“We had divergent points of view,” he said. “We argue. We laugh. We try to solve problems and figure out what can be done. We’ve spent hours discussing the Middle East. It’s an educational process. We have the questions, not necessarily the answers.”
He said the eclectic nature of their members adds to the depth of their discussions. The group includes an aerospace safety specialist, a veterinarian, several doctors, lawyers, military veterans and several individuals with a Ph.D.
Current events turned into a trending topic, keeping members on their toes.
“It’s enlightening, enriching and mentally stimulating,” Richman said.
He chuckled when asked about the group’s 14-member limit.
“We’ve had a long waiting list of people wanting to get in, but it’s like the Supreme Court – someone has to die.”
Retired family physician Neil Nemec enjoys the give and take of their discussions.
“We’re able to give opinions and disagree vehemently and still be friends at the end of the day,” he said. “It’s a form of therapy.”
Like Richman, Nemec finds the weekly meetings mentally engaging. Topics like politics, health care and world affairs allow him to broaden his understanding.
“It’s a learning experience. We get to be students again.”
But it’s not all weighty conversation.
“We laugh a lot – mostly at each other,” he said.
They don’t limit their gatherings to Michael D’s or Zoom. Over the years, they’ve held summer potlucks and taken trips to Hawaii and Washington, D.C.
“It’s a way of creating lasting friendships,” Nemec said.
Bob Tester appreciates those connections.
“I was in the military for 37 years,” he said. “Everything is teamwork – you never do anything alone.”
For him, joining Cabbages and Kings provided much-needed social interaction with other men.
Tester enjoys the challenge of staying up to date with current events to be able to hold his own during their weekly meetings. Though the members have much in common, he appreciates hearing viewpoints that differ from his.
“You lose something when everyone agrees,” he said. “I like someone to tell me I’m wrong and explain why. That’s how you learn.”
Shriver would love to see others emulate Cabbages and Kings.
“I’ve met so many men who just feel lost when they retire because their work community was all they had,” he said. “They don’t know how easy it is to start a group like this when it’s done purposefully with a common interest.”