Roger Sherman: The parents are not OK, but we can help

By Roger Sherman

We like to say that parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever love. Because it is. And because it is the most important job most of us will ever have.

Now the surgeon general of the United States has issued an advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents entitled “Parents Under Pressure.” In the advisory the surgeon general references the American Psychological Association which reports that 41% of American parents say that most days they are so stressed they cannot function. Another 48% say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming. Non-parenting adults report feeling that way only 20% and 26% respectively.

The parents are not OK.

The stressors are coming at parents from multiple directions. Financial stress related to childcare costs, health and education expenses, as well as job and income insecurity is a major contributor to parents’ sense of being overwhelmed. Time and the guilt that comes with not having enough time for everything is another major contributor. On average mothers and fathers are both working longer hours at their paid gigs and spending more time on primary child care, according to the report, leaving little time for quality time with their spouse, sleep or leisure time. Many families are also taking care of elderly relatives at the same time. Phew! And that’s not all: Their children’s health care needs, isolation and loneliness, technology and social media and cultural expectations all contribute to the pressure and stress that many parents feel.

When the parents are not OK, it’s not good for the children. The advisory cites a finding that “the children of a primary caregiver who reported poor mental health were four times more likely to have poor general health and two times more likely to have mental, behavioral, or developmental disorders.” Both maternal and paternal mental health conditions are shown to impact the well-being of children.

So what can we do?

The foundation of the work that the Idaho Children’s Trust Fund does is called Strengthening Families and is based in five protective factors: parental resilience, healthy social connections, knowledge of parenting and child development, concrete supports and development of social and emotional competence in children. When all these factors are present in parents’ lives, the parents’ mental health and wellbeing will be better, and consequently their children’s will be better too.

While you may be a parent who is feeling overwhelmed there are others of us who can lend a helping hand. Could you give a parent with a newborn a hand by rocking her crying baby? Could you share a meal? There are also professionals who provide parenting support. Is there a community school in your neighborhood? A family or community resource center? A child care program? Do you know about the home visiting programs run by the public health districts? Contact the Idaho Children’s Trust Fund if you need information on any of those resources in your area. It sometimes seems hard to ask for help when we most need it. Remember: asking for help is a strength!

Our communities are strong when our families are strong. Our families are strong when parents are well and can create a thriving environment for their kids. If you are a parent who feels overwhelmed, reach out for help. If you are in position to support a struggling parent, don’t be shy. We are all in this together!

Roger Sherman is executive director of Idaho Children’s Trust Fund in Boise.